Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Obstruct: to block or close up; to make difficult to pass.
To hinder,interrupt or oppose the passage, progress or course of something.
To be in the way of

There are alot of things that will cause obstructions in our lives. It is how we handle these obstructions that reveal our true selves.

Some minor obstructions: someone in your view at a ball game or play. You can ask them politely to move a litte. Taking a walk and finding barriers that prevent you from taking the path you had envisioned. You make the detours, small or little and continue on your way.

Major obstructions can occur quite unexpectedly. You receive the diagnosis that something is obstructing the natural passage in your body. It could be in your colon, your ureters, your bladder or your kidneys. It could be in your fallopian tubes preventing you from being able to be pregnant.
Or it could be in your lungs. I was told yesterday, that there is something obstructing my lungs. This wasn't unexpected news to me because for 3 months now, I have had this cough that never subsided after I had pneumonia at Christmas time. Sometimes its annoying. Other times it can be a bit frightening to those who hear it. I cough like I am trying to rid myself of my lung. It is spasmodic and the sound is like almost a continaul gutteral sound. And then I wheeze and then I try and catch my breath.
I don't know what this obstuction is and know I will find out soon enough.
But today I purposed to not let this obstruction rule my life.
I am not letting it get in the way of things I love to do. Like hanging out with my college friends. Like playing with my grandsons. Trying to be real in the midst of uncertainty.

It has caused me to wonder what I have let obstruct my relationship with God.
Oh there are many things:
. Watching TV shows or movies that do absolutely nothing to promote a healtlhy relationship with Him.
. Being selfish and wanting my own way-which happens way too often.
. Thinking I know all the answers and have figured things out on my own-which doesn't allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in my life.
. Being manipulative in my relationships.
. Anger-left unchecked that leads to resentment and bitterness (OUCH).
. Coveting. Why can't I be content with all that I have?
. Worrying about people. Why?? 95% of what we worry about never materializes.
. Being over concerned with "my little world". When GOD's world encompasses all.

Ashamedly, I have let many things interrupt the natural flow of my relationship with God.
That is not how I long to be. What I long to be is someone who reflects God , day in and day out. No matter what the news of the day unveils. No matter what might rock my world to its core.
I want to be the opposite of obstucted. I want to encourage and further anything that will allow me to know and experience God's goodness, His love and Grace to me.

My reactions are what I need to work on. My heart needs to stay calm. My heart needs to stay close to my LORD- to stay in His Presence and abide in His Peace.

JOHN 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in ME you may have peace. In this world, you may have trouble (or trials or sorrows). But take heart! I have overcome the world!

GOD knows all about my obstructions. The one in my lungs -not allowing me to get the good breath I so desperately want. And the ones in my heart- that are not allowing me to see Him clearly. And I believe wholeheartedly that He is the ONE who Overcomes...the small and the big obstacles...they really are pretty minimal to Him.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Foggy Nights

I know this road. I literally travel it over a hundred times each year. In the 3 yrs I've worked in chico, I have put over 30K miles on my car(s) travelling this road.
I know the curves-because there are so many. I know when to slow down cause it might get icy. I know when to look for the lights of a deer's eyes so I won't run into him. Sometimes while I'm driving this road, I pass one of my many landmarks and think to myself "how did i get here already?". Its not that I am not watching while I drive. Sometimes I am singing or praying and miss a few of "my spots".
This road is called Forbestown Road. It is a section of curvy twists and turns climbing up a mountain road, where I see some of the most amazing views ever of Oroville Lake and the areas surrounding it. And in the springtime, summer and early fall, if I am lucky enough to be driving at just the right hour, I see some of THE MOST spectacular sunsets I have ever been privileged to see. The ones that make me stop the car just to dwell in the magnificence of it.
So I do know this road, even on the late nights while I am driving home.
Last night was one of those nights. I left Chico after being with the YL leaders and started off merrily along my way.
I turned right onto Forbestown Road about to begin my last 25 miles home. Somehow I always put on KLOVE or Air One on this road- just because of the beauty that I see reminds me of God's creation and how I am privileged to enjoy it.
There was a brief wisp of vapor. My headlights on high made it worse. A few yards later, more vapor-this time coming in bunches. And then within one mile, I am in the midst of thick, dense, "I can't see" fog.
The kind of fog that makes you cling tight to the steering wheel. The kind that makes you sit up straight, with your eyes glued to the road. The kind of fog that leaves my body tense-even if its only for a short 5 minutes. But last night was not a 5 minute fog. It was 10 miles of curvy, mountainous roads where I couldn't see much of anything.
I've driven this type of fog too many times on this road. My goal always is to see the yellow lines in the middle of the road and the white line on the side. That's how I make it thru..well that and praying and listening to the praise music.
We've had alot of snow the past 10 days, and the white lines were no longer visible. Instead there were piles of snow made from the snow plows, that made the road even smaller than it seemed. The fog was so thick that i could barely see 10 feet in front of me. This road I know, became unfamilar once again, because I couldn't see any of my landmarks. Its pretty darn scary at times, and I just try to be the most cautious self I can be to navigate the road.

Then all of a sudden, the thick, dense fog stops. It is so sudden that each time I marvel at it. The night is clear. I see my landmarks. I see the moon. I see what is so familar. And I am so thankful that I made it thru to see clearly again. (I can see clearly now, the fog is gone!!).
Last night I was struck by how the fog on Forbestown Road is often like life.
Sometimes we just coast along; knowing where we are going, knowing what to expect. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, we are in dense fog. We can't see a thing. We are not seeing clearly. Everything is foggy. We can't figure things out. We wonder where God is in the midst of this.
Don't you see me, God? Don't you see I have no way of navigating thru this? Don't you know that this is definitely not a road I am familar with??
Won't you reveal yourself to me??? LIKE NOW GOD?
I've had quite a few foggy nights like this in my life. Not sure of what to do. Not sure where to go or whom to turn to? Not sure if I will make it thru this alive. When everything I know is turned upside down. When life throws me curves that I can't see myself getting thru them.
You probably have too.

In John 12:46 Jesus says: " I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in Me should stay in darkness"

AHH, the darkness doesn't last forever. The fog will eventually clear. I will be able to see the road of life I am on again. The darkness, the fog will NOT keep me from my LORD. He will reveal Himslef to me again. He never really left me at all. He was with me all along. I just was so concerned about what I could not see, that I completely forgot that He has told me countless times, " I will never leave you. I will never forsake you."
I get so caught up in the scariness of the moments, that I forget His promises. They are true. He is PRESENT-even when I don't "feel" it.
Foggy nights?? They come and go and make me pay attention. Next time life throws me a foggy night, I will try and remember that Jesus is ALWAYS MY LIGHT.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


I am currently reading thru the Gospel of John. There has been so much talk the past few weeks of who will get in heaven or go to hell (if there is either of those 2 places-and I certainly believe there is) from Rob Bell's newest book, LOVE WINS, that I decided I just wanted to hear JESUS' words. From Him, not from what someone might think he is saying.
Mind you, I have read LOVE WINS and I understand the controversy surrounding it. I don't believe Rob Bell is a heretic. But I'm not sure any of us can speak for JESUS. WE can conjecture what he says into what we believe to be the truth.
In actuality, The Scriptures say "WHO has known the mind of the LORD? Or WHO has been His Counselor? ROMANS 11:34.
From that specific verse, I believe we can guess-sometimes with much accuracy what Christ's words might mean, but ONLY HE knows what He really means. But this isn't about Rob Bell, or his book, or if he is a universalist or not.
This is just about what I've seen JESUS say-in His Words. And by John (the disciple who Jesus loves- now who wouldn't want to have that be their tagline?...missy, the disciple Jesus loves.) Well we can all have that tagline, because we all are loved by Jesus!!
This morning I read from John 8 "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free".
That truth is simply to me saying: the truth is Jesus loves us, loved us so much, He left his heavenly home, came to earth to identify with us as a human, but because He was also God, loved us so much that He Paid the price for our rebellion and sin, by taking our place as He died a horrendous death on the Cross. That truth set my life free. Free from trying to earn God's love and favor. Free from trying to be someone i am not. Free to accept God's love and His Forgiveness and to live by His Grace. To me, JESUS is the truth.

HE later goes on to say in John 10, that HE IS THE GOOD SHEPHERD. The Good Shepherd who laid down His life for the sheep...that's us. And that His Sheep know Him and know His Voice. So that we recognize Him and recognize truth when it hits us right between the eyes.
Ezekiel 34:16 says that this Good Shepherd "will seek for the strays and bring back the lost"
He is searching and seeking for ALL OF US. All of mankind. Because without Him, we are all straying and we are all lost. I love that He keeps on looking for us. EVERY single one of us. None of us are beyond His Reach. And He will keep on searching for us.
Then I got to John 11. This is the story about Jesus raising Lazurus from the dead.
We first here that Lazarus is sick from messengers sent by his 2 sisters, Mary and Martha.
Jesus loves this little family. But He stays 2 more days where He is and then decides to go to Bethany where they live.

The New Living Translation says in John 11:5-6 "So although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, 6 he stayed where he was for the next two days."

WHAT?? He didn't go right away??? But He loves them.
IS that why He doesn't answer all my deep felt prayers immediately?? Because HE KNOWS what I don't? That He has greater plans than what I can see? That He knows what will bring GOD the glory?? I have to believe He does. That His purposes and answers are always to bring the Father glory.
The story then goes on to say that as Jesus shows up, He is met by Martha, and then Mary, who both said to Him : "LORD, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died."
Jesus answers Martha with
“I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die." (verses 25-26)

HE then goes to the tomb, asks people to roll away the tomb (even with Martha telling Him it will really really stink because Lazarus has been in there for 4 days already) and in a voice that is heard, probably with force, in a loud voice calls "Lazarus, come out!"

And out walks the dead man who is now alive.
CAN YOU ONLY IMAGINE?? Try and put yourself into this story. How does someone who has been dead four days come out of the tomb alive?
It must have been mind boggling to say the least. Crazy, unbelievable!!
But I am trying to identify. And I get it a little. I am a bit like Lazarus. Altho not physically dead, I was almost spiritually dead, when the Good News of Jesus rescued me...from a life of drinking and partying in college. From a kind of life I was spiraling towards. He rescued me and let me know that I could live...really live.
And that His Truth would set me free....over and over again, for the past 39+ years and for however long I have left on this earth. His Truth will free me- from my fears, my mistakes,my wanting to have control. His Truth will free me to be who HE envisions me to be.
And that's the Truth.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Fickle?? No thanks

Are you fickle like me??
Somedays I wake up feeling wonderful; can't wait to get going on whatever is in store for me. I bounce out of bed like I have somewhere important to be. Even tho that might mean just going to the kitchen to start the coffee.
Those days where I look forward with anticipation to what I think might happen.
I remember two of those days in particular. Both were the days my girls would be getting engaged.

Kristi's engagement was set to happen on a Monday night in December. We had all just returned from the weekend festivities of watching Katie graduate from Azusa. And we all knew it was happening except for Kristi. She called me from work that day saying she didn't feel well and was thinking of cancelling on Adam. WHAT?? MY MIND SCREAMED TO MYSELF??
How could I convince her she was OK...that it wouldn't be that bad. Afterall, he had rented out Pac Bell (really named AT&T Park..but whatever). She went that night and had the surprise of her life and it was absolutely an incredible moment watching Adam propose, from hidden inside the Giants Dug out.

Katie's special day was also in San Francisco. She knew that her dad and i were double dating with she and Nate for the day in San Francisco. We were supposed to meet the rest of the family that evening at the ballpark for the Giants game. We went out to lunch, walked around Pier 39 and all of a sudden, Scud tells her he has to show her a houseboat that our Friend Scott was thinking of buying. By the time we got there, each of her siblings had called and cancelled out of the game. Even then she suspected nothing. And then there we were at the marina and there was Nate's uncle and cousin ready to take them sailing. After mumbling something about how her father gets seasick, she began to supsect something. But on a windy yet beautiful afternoon in the San Francisco Bay, Nate asked her to become his wife.
Now I knew about both those days and was so eagerly awaiting and anticipating them, and they were everything and more than I had even dreamed of.

Then I've had days like today. When the temperature was 33 degrees, it was still snowing and we had no power-yet again. I had no desire to get up. I wanted to stay warm and snuggled under my down comforter and just go back to sleep.

How can I be so excited for one day and so gloomy on another?
Why do my emotions change sometimes as quickly as the tides?
Why can one phone call either make my day, or send me falling to my knees?
Why can i be so accepting of someone one minute-full of unconditional love, and within a very few minutes be so judgemental of someone else?
Why do I think I need to be in control of everything?
Why do sometimes the answers come quickly and other times, I shrug my shoulders and have absolutely no idea what to do.
Why could I be so patient with a baby addicted to cocaine or heroin, fitfully crying for hours on end and be filled with contempt at the mother who caused this?
Why is it Ok for me to be happy with the fact that someone who was unethical in their work is caught and so accusatory when someone I love is fired?
Because I am fickle. I tend to go too much on my feelings instead of hearing all the facts and reasons of decisions.
I change sometimes as quickly as the weather does here in the Plumas National Forest. Only moments ago, the sky looked bright, the sun was trying to shine thru and then right now, snow is coming down fast and furious.
How very thankful I am that GOD is not like me. He doesn't change His feelings for me -or anyone else for that matter-on what I am doing, have done or will do.

Malachi 3:6 says " I, the LORD, do not change"

Isn't that incredible? He doesn't change with the world news. He doesn't change just because someone says He does. His Word remains the same. Through ages past and into eternity.
He always means what He says. He doesn't go back on His word, He doesn't withhold His blessings and promises because of our disobedience, our rebellion, our wanting our own way.
He keeps Loving us, keeps pursuing us-no matter what we do or don't do.
NOTHING I can do will ever change His love and affection for me, or for you.
I am so temperemental, so wishy washy at times, so full of compromise and un-committment.
And yet GOD remains the same. Always. Forever. No questions asked.

Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever"

His constancy, His unchangeableness, is what makes Him so trustworthy.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011 much MORE than a month

Author's note: Due to severe winter storm warnings in the mountains, this may be my last blog for a while.

I remember having a family in my days as a NICU nurse whose children had names of the months. They had an April, May , JUNE, August and November. They were a very tight knit Hispanic family and when I met them is was when little Octobre was born . He was a little pint of a fellow weighing about 2 1/2 lbs at birth, so he had an extended stay in the NICU as he grew and matured.
I always thought it was a bit strange that they named their children after months, because I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids. Umm hello Todd...your name is now April. I think he might have killed me.
Now I could see naming a girl June if she was born in that month. In fact, I have 2 very dear friends named June . But the other months...I don't get it. Must be something in their culture.
But I do love the month of June!! I graduated from college in June, got married in June and had my first daughter in June. So it really is a month full of memories for me.
But when I think of "June", I usually think of my dear friend, mentor, spiritual mother, adopted mother and wonderful adopted grandmother to my kids.
My friend, June Hoch Clodius, has been one of my life's greatest and profound blessings.
I met she and her then husband Carl, right after I had my first baby, Kristi.
They were a couple at our church, they were involved in Young Life and I had absolutely no idea, when I met her , that she would become so so important to me thru my adult life.
When I met her, June had recently undergone surgery, radiaton and chemotherapy for breast cancer. She was a survivor and would go on to survive another bout or two of the awful cancer.
But she and Carl probably saw something in Scud and I that they thought might need some help..or some coaching, or something.
We quickly got to know each other. I asked June if she would disciple me. Ok now that i write this, I notice my own lack of sensitivity. She is just recovering from the ordeals of cancer and I ask her to help me...seriously Missy, what were you thinking?
But she said YES and from that moment on, she became to me the person I could share anything with. I went to her for advice on EVERYTHING. From how to be a better wife (we did a bible study on how to the wife of a happy husband...did it work , Scud?), how to handle toddler tantrums, how to pray for my children.
She has been a source of strength, comfort and hope to me thru some very troubled times in my own life.
Not that I was always completely self indulging. I think because of my deep love, respect and honor for her, I have been there for her too, during some of the hardest moments in her life too.
We have shared births, deaths and everything in between. I rejoiced with her when Cynthe and Kevin got married, and when all 3 of her grandchildren were born. And she was there for me during the times when I needed a mom right after both Katie and Todd were born.
And not only was she there for me, but my kids truly believe she is "Gramma June". Because we live so far from Scud's mom, she has been the grandparent at baseball games, musicals, graduations and any other big event in each of my kids lives.
IN both Kristi and Katie's wedding, Gramma June was escorted as a grandmother right before I was seated as the mother of the brides. She deserved just as much a place of honor as Scud's mom did.
Last year in june, my June celebrated her 80th birthday. for weeks I wondered what I could do for her. there was absolutely nothing she needed and if she did, dear Jerry would have gotten it for her long before i did. So all I could really think of was to write her a letter of how much she meant to me. Words could never adequately express that but I tried. What has blessed me the MOST about our friendship is that repeatedly over the many years, she has ALWAYS pointed me to Christ. To show me that HE would always be there for me, that HE had the answers when I had none. That JESUS was the HOPE for me to cling-that I would never be hopeless.
I know that June has prayed for me faithfully for years and has helped me grow in areas where I needed to most.

I was reminded again today of how my life has been enriched by June's friendship as I chatted with her on the phone. I have been blessed beyond measure because of her presence and friendship in my life. I pray for June and Jerry daily, I pray for her dear Kevin too.And I pray that someday God will allow me to be a "JUNE" to some young woman starting out in life as a newlywed or young mom...because we ALL NEED A JUNE in our lives .May you be blessed to have someone like her in your life.

Friday, March 18, 2011


One of the neatest practices I have done for over a decade is to pick a specific verse for each family member to pray for during the year.
Mind you, I don't pick the verse. The Holy Spirit leads me to a particular verse for each person.
When I first began, there was just the six of us. And then Adam entered the family. Then came our first grandson Kellen. After Kellen, was Nate and the last one to come along was Jax. I'm sure there will be more grandchildren (hopefully!) and I assume there will be some daughter in laws to enter the scene (at least I keep praying there will be). But for now, I have 10 people to find verses for.
Some people might think this will be an easy endeavor. In actuality, it usually takes me 4-6 weeks. I just think of a book in the bible and start reading. I have learned now that when " I think of a book", it really is the Holy Spirt directing me.
I've always been amazed (but really why should I be?) how the verse really is one that is so specific for that particular person.
One year the LORD led me to Iss 43 for Scud. I had no idea why this was "the verse" for him. It talks about God being with us as we walk thru the waters,  and that the rivers will not sweep over us, or we will not get burned as we walk thru the fire. WHY would God give me this verse. It was 8 months later, when one night Scud told me his job was being eliminated from Young Life. WOW, knew (um duh Missy).
One year when Kristi was going to have the busiest year of her college career, God gave me Is 26:3 for her , promising that God would keep her in His perfect peace.
The year I moved to Woodleaf, another verse came from Isaiah 43 (seriously I didn't plan all these verses from Isaiah), but this verse was for me not to look back but to look forward to something new that God was going to do in my life. You have to know that I was absolutely miserable during this time, wondering why all my life that I knew and loved was back in San Jose. I had no idea why I got this verse, but as the year went on, I began investigating going on Young Life College staff at Chico State. I would never had imagined that I would go on Young Life Staff. And yet it was something new...something that God knew He had for me, that would give me such blessings and that I would come to know and LOVE these college kids so much.
I've had verses given to me for Ryan-praying for his safety, praying God would do whatever He needed to bring Ry to the LORD, and then watching amazed how God answered my prayers and His promises, and Ryan came back to us and to Him. (see Genesis 4:7 for an example).
One year the LORD directed me to 2 Kings 6:17 for Todd. I claimed "open his eyes that he may see".
This was a time in his life when Todd really questioned GOD and that summer , while on summer staff at Woodleaf, God led him to some guys who loved him so well, that he returned to God and believed that He really did care about what happened in his life. ( I truly thank God for how he used those guys , who now are Todd's lifetime bros in Christ).
And Katie? Well God has led me to specific verses for her thru out the years. Some had to do with her physical, spiritual well being. Others that God would really reveal Himself to her. One that I personally treasure is from Duet 33:12 about Katie being able to rest between the Lord's shoulders. It was a very visual picture for me of Christ loving and caring for my daughter in what was the most difficult year of her life.
I could go on and on. Bur realize you might get bored.
What I want you to know that this year has been the 13th year that I have done this, and I plan to do it every year until God calls me home.
Especially since HE is the one who picks them. My job is just to pray them.
I would challenge you to do the same for members of your family. Not only has been it mind boggling and both amazing and inspiring for me, as I have witnessed God's faithfulness to those I love the most, but I also have memorized over 80 of God's most amazing promises.
And that is something I treasure.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

This day

This day has become a part of my reality. Its a date I don't necessarily look forward to . But its a date for me to remember how GOOD GOD is. How faithful to me He has been to me. How full of forgiveness and grace and love.
Eleven years ago today I was with my Dad as he left this life and entered into eternal life. And that was a joyous occasion for me because you see, I had prayed faithfully for my dad for over 27 years to come to the LORD.
John Bluett was a man of great intellect, a sense of humor that I am so glad got passed on to me, and also very creative.
He was also an alcoholic and that caused a considerable amount of dysfunction in our family. I know that my siblings and I suffered much due to his drinking. I saw alcohol almost completely destroy his business. I saw alcohol destroy my parents marriage. And I remember hurtful times when it seemed Dad chose alcohol over me.
Even in the midst of his alcohol, I knew my dad loved me. Sure , he had a funny way of showing it. But I never wondered if my dad loved me.
Maybe that is why it was easier to understand God's love for me. Except this was a perfect love. A love that would always be there-no matter what. No matter how far I strayed, no matter how far I tried to run. God was relentless in His pursuit of me.
And He was relentless in His pursuit of my dad.
I remember my dad telling me the story of how about 16 months before he died, that God was after him. He realized that his time on earth would probably be ending in the near distant future. And he realized that he would have to come face to face with God. I guess when any of us really realizes that, we are forced to confront ourselves with the question, "am I ready for this? Am I ready to face a God I have purposely denied for years?". We would all get reflective and decide once and for all if we really did believe God existed.
Fortunately for John Bluett, he always believed in the existence of God and now He believed that the ONE who created him, desperately desired to be in relationship with him.
WE had some great talks over the remaining months of his life about God and how much my dad believed he missed because of his own stubborness.
I remember holding my dad's hands and whispering to him that it was OK to leave me, that it was OK to go to his real home...his eternal home. And I remember how sweet it was to hear him sigh, even while unconscious, when I prayed for him and said the name JESUS. It was truly one of life's most meaningful moments for me.
Its been 11 years now and I still miss him like crazy. There are times I just wish I could call him and tell him what was bothering me. And also to share with him life's greatest joys and blessings. I know I will see my dad again. I will spend eternity with him and Our Heavenly Father who gave us both life and for that I am forever grateful.

Five years after my dad died, on the exact same day, the other WORST moment of my life occured. I have tried to write about it but I can't. Suffice it to say, that someday I will try, but not today.
Today I can only rejoice in a GOD who loves me, who has shown me so vividly that He cares about what I care about. That He loves who I love. That He knows what I need. And that He has understood all my doubts and deepest fears. I rejoice in LIFE today...more than most days ...because He knows...because He cares...and because HE is the GOD who REDEEMS.
Thank you Father. You know how much I mean that.

Monday, March 14, 2011


I will never forget the day, after all, it was the Worst day of my life (at that time). I woke up to my brother Matt screaming "Mom is dead". I raced out of bed and ran upstairs, not believing him. But he was right and  altho I remember looking at her and it was the ugliest thing I had ever experienced, God was so gracious and answering my prayer that I would never visually remember it.
The next year was the loneliest in my life. I remember crying everyday, sobbing-many times uncontrollably for hours, for the next 4 1/2 months. Mom's death was sudden and totally unexpected. I had no time to prepare and it turned my world totally upside down. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to function. And I literally felt like I had no one to go to.
GOD was there. I was a relatively new believer but I knew He was there. I cried out to Him again and again. I didn't think I could make it. But I did.
I don't think I even knew this verse was there.

" I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, even to the end of the age"

He was, but I wasn't always cognizant of it. I was completely grief stricken and didn't know how I would do life..didn't know who I would turn to.
It was lonely and miserable in ways that words can't describe.
But I did begin to know more of God, more of His constancy in my life, and began turning to Him more and more.
As I look back now, I know that God knew. That He was my shelter, my safety, my Rock of Refuge.
I often wonder if I would have completely sought God if my mom had not died. But I did and my life changed forever. It was then that I really knew and experienced that God would never leave me, He would never forsake me. I would never have to do life without Him. He would always be there. It was a very comforting promise for this naive 21 yr old.
Now I have had a worse day than this, but its not for this blog.
But fast forward 30+ years and I began to experience this same kind of loneliness again.
Scud had accepted the position of administrative manager for Woodleaf and it took 13 months for me to follow him up there. Not because I was dragging my feet, but because I was given the most wonderful task of cleaning up our home and getting it ready to sell (of course, all with Todd's help), and then there was Kristi's engagement to Adam and getting ready for the wedding.
So I arrived at Woodleaf on June 1, 2007 and began head long into summer. Which is busy, exhausting and crazy..but oh so much fun.
Then September arrived and the camp was frighteningly quiet. And Lonely.
I had no one-or so it felt like.
For the next 6 months , I experienced a different and yet seemingly familiar loneliness. I had left San Jose and everything I knew-except for Scud. Most of my kids were there, my lifetime friends were there, the church we attended , and the job that I loved.  Everything I knew and held dear was gone.
Sure, I lived in a place of stunning beauty-but even that didn't help. And then, in the midst of the beginning of this period, I developed a superficial blood clot and had to stay put and stay off my feet.
I cried out again and again to the LORD. I was sure He hadn't brought me up to Woodleaf to die. BUT if felt like it. And poor Scud, he had to live thru all this with me. And I let him have my frustration time and time again.
It was during this period, when I was desperately missing everything that was dear to me, that I began to remember again that God would never leave me or forsake me. That I was not alone-even tho it certainly felt like it.
I wrestled for months with the question : "If God was ALL i had, would that be enough?"
It really did take 6 agonizing months to realize that YES if GOD was all I had it would be enough. Because I remembered how faithful He was to me when my mom had died, and how he had been with me during a very tumulutous 10 years that Scud and I had experienced only recently.
AND THEN I finally realized, even tho I knew it in my mind, that GOD truly was THE ONLY ONE who would always be there for me. I had learned that He was there for me after both of my parents deaths and when I hurt so bad after each of the kids left for college....and EVEN now when everything that was good, everything that I cherished was not around. He still was...and He wasn't going anywhere.
That HE would ALWAYS BE THERE... even if Scud dies before me (which is definitely not part of my plan) or something were to happen to those I love with all that is within me. GOD WILL STILL BE THERE.

Matthew 28:20

Oh how I cling to this promise.

Friday, March 11, 2011


Sometimes, but not always, life offers us too many choices.
Take for instance, shopping for a dress. Let's say its for your wedding. OK, there are thousands you can choose from. This is probably the most important piece of clothing a woman will ever buy. Its really beneficial to know ahead of some styles that you might like.
I remember going wedding dress shopping for Kristi , my oldest daughter. She had found a dress online and we went to the bridal dress shop where she tried it on and LOVED it and that was it. ONE dress. Who does that???
Kristi does. She was gorgeous that day, and extremely beautiful the day she married Adam. I was a bit sad tho-the experience of only getting to see her in one dress, was just not enough for this mom. But it was the right dress for the right girl.
Katie, (my youngest daughter,) on the other hand, gave me the joy of seeing her in several dresses. The first dress she tried on was THE ONE, and from the moment I saw her in it, I knew it was the one. But Katie has always had trouble making big decisions-so she tried on several beautiful dresses- but came back to the first one.
Then there's so many other choices we get to make thru out our lifetime. Like which college we choose to go to, what career path to take, who to marry, which house to buy or what car. And there's the not so important choices we have: like which restraunt to go to, what movie, where to vacation.
Here's a picture of my favorite little boy trying to decide which shirt he wants out of three choices to remember our family trip to disneyland. A big decision for a 2 1/2 year old.

I get the privilege of hanging out with some wonderful, life loving, adventurous, funny, crazy college kids during the week. And they are in the process of making decisions all the time.
Some of the ones they are grappling with are: drinking, drugs, sex , and wondering if there really is a God.
Now I am always coming from the position of pointing them to Christ and what He has to say .
Do i drink to get drunk? do I sleep with my boyfriend/girlfriend? How far is too far? And if there is a God, does He even care really about what I do?
Joshua 24:15 says in part: "choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve..."
Will you choose God and to serve Him? Will you choose to obey what He says?
In all actuality, we all get this choice. Some of us realize it and some of us, without realizing it, have already chosen.
For me, the "choice" was obvious. I believed that God was the Creator of all and if He created me, then conversely, He would know what would be best for me. So I chose God...but in reality, God chose me first. And then I made the decision -or the choice- to choose Him.
Truly this was the most monumental decision I ever made, because from then on, all the other choices that became mine to make, would draw me closer to God or take me a bit farther from Him.
What about you?? Who do you choose to serve this day?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

MORE than Just a Twinge

I just had a wonderful two day visit to Lost Canyon. If you don't know, Lost Canyon is a Young LIfe camp in Williams, Arizona (which is about half an hour from Flagstaff). I am going to be the summer staff coordinator there this summer for 3 weeks and we met together as an assignment team . Good thing its in the mountains and at 7000 ft elevation, because I spent 2 weeks in Phoenix last summer in July and vowed I would do whatever I could, not to return there at that time of year. Altho that time in Phoenix produced one of the greatest joys in my life in Jax Davis, my second grandson.
But I digress. So I absolutely loved Lost Canyon-everything is mostly new and designed by people who really know Young LIfe camping and want every single kid who comes there to have the best week of their lives. Well I got just a bit jealous- because you see, I live at Woodleaf, another Young Life camp that has been around for 40 plus years and is desperately in need of some major repairs and some new facilities.
I guess if Woodleaf had a few millionaire donors, like Lost Canyon, we would have a newer, fancier, more modern day camp. But Woodleaf has a unique charm that Lost Canyon doesn't. Plus it doesn't have the history..especially for me and for my family.
But still...oh how I wished Woodleaf could have the new buildings , the slide, the long zip line that Lost Canyon has.
And then I pondered how much time I spend envying what others have. To be quite honest, I would not want you to know how much.
I've been jealous of my friends' nicer homes, nicer cars, nicer clothes, nicer vacations. Why can't I have what they have?? Why can't I make more money? Why can't I this? why can't I that?
Jealousy and envy are not things I am proud to admit I have. In fact, I feel rather even ridiculous feeling this way. When I consider HOW MUCH I possess compared to 90% of the world, I am most ashamedly embarrassed.
Instead of contemplating how much others might have that I don't , I should count the blessings that GOD has abundantly graced my life with. I have the most wonderful man who has loved me faithfully and consistently for over 35 years, I have 4, well no, 6 adult children , who have incredibly forgiven me for the many mistakes I made mothering them and have brought me such tremendous joy watching them grow into adults who love Jesus with passion.
And then there's Kellen and Jax, the 2 cutest little boys I know (but they deserve their own blog...soon) who have made my heart burst with love that I haven't experienced since I had my own kids.
And then there's my friends..who have blessed my life in too numerous to count ways thru the years. And my first career where I ministered to many patients and their families and loved almost every minute that I was a nurse. And now, not really a career, but its my job, where I get the privilege of loving college kids and pointing them to JESUS in every way I can think of.
So how can I possibly be jealous? How can I have more than just a twinge of envy for others who have more than me?
Good question, huh?
Instead of being envious, I want to be one who counts my blessings. One who has that "attitude of gratitude". One who is content exactly where I am , with what I have.
Oh God, do Your work in my life, so that I can rejoice with how you bless all your children.

Monday, March 7, 2011


We don't like to wait. We are impatient, want answers NOW and mostly believe that waiting is a waste of our time.
We wait at the doctor's office and wonder why don't they know how to schedule better. We wait in lines to check out and think "why don't they have more checkers? why don't they have checkers that can actually do their jobs?"
We wait for our team to win a championship-and waiting for 52 years to see my beloved SF GIANTS win the world series..was so worth the wait.
We wait to see who will be our life partner, and wonder why the heck they aren't here yet.
We wait for THE JOB-and wonder if they realize how good I really am.
I wonder how much time we spend waiting.
We wait for the baby to come and sometimes that seems like forever. We wait anxiously for our kids to return home from college for visits cause we miss them so.
We wait for the doctor's diagnosis-knowing that we have conjured up the worst case scenario.
But for me, I have found that waiting can be good.
Waiting on God to answer prayers is often oh so hard, but mostly always good.
I have had some real heartache in my life waiting on God. But the most amazing thing in waiting is that I have known more of God while I wait. I know more of His love and concern for me. I know more of His forgiveness and grace. I have learned while waiting that no matter how hard I try to make the answer come more quickly, that God's answers are always in His most perfect timing.
Right now I am waiting on answers to some health questions of my own. that doesn't bother me too much. But I am wondering when and if God will ever choose to heal my daughter of all her multiple medical issues. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. And as I wait, I wonder...does she know that waiting can be good? Does she trust in God enough? Do I?

Psalm 34:7a (in the new living translation) says: "BE STILL IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD, AND WAIT PATIENTLY FOR HIM TO ACT."

My desire is to really be still in God's presence. To trust Him with everything that happens around me. To wait patiently on Him. To know that His timing is so different from mine and to trust that He always comes in the perfect time.
May I be one who can wait patiently. And may you be one who can too.