Monday, November 24, 2014

One of THOSE days

Today is one of THOSE days.
The kind you wish you didn't have to go thru.
The kind you wish not even your worst enemy had to endure.

One of THOSE days when you wonder.
Wonder if God sees the pain.
Wonder if HE cares.
Wonder why.
Why her? Hasn't she been through enough?
Hasn't she suffered enough?
Why not me, Lord?

It is one of THOSE days when your own faith shakes to the core.
Those days when you rely heavily on the prayers of others to get you through it.
THOSE Days when you thank GOD for friends who uphold you, who call you and pray with you, who text you often.

It is one of THOSE days when you recall the instances of God's faithfulness and hope with all hope that HE is going to come thru as He has promised.
It is one of THOSE days.
I Know deep within me, that God is in Control.
But oh how I wish the circumstances were different.

Those dreams that die.
They are the hardest.
Sometimes they are the cruelest.

Today is the day our daughter Katie had one of her lifelong dreams die. 
She played with dolls for the longest time. She always wanted to be a mommy. 
When she met Nate, they began to pray for their own baby. They began to try for that baby.
Today, is the day, their dream of having a child from Katie died.

Today is one of THOSE days.
The day you wished your daughter did not have to have a hysterectomy. The pain that ransacked her body for at least 2 1/2 weeks every month, so often incapacitating her, had won.
Today is one of THOSE Days.
The kind you wish the doctor had one more option-but he doesn't.

So today, the dream of having her own child died.

I have a very good friend who texted me today about those dreams of ours that die. It is in those dreams, that God begins to do something new, something HE has planned. Something that if really dwelt on, we could get excited about the possibilities.
I know this will come.
I know HE cares. 
I know HE loves Katie more than I ever could, more than Nate ever could.
But today I grieve for her dream that will never be fulfilled.
I mourn with her and Nate.

I look forward to the better days. The days where the light shines again. The days when it "feels" like God is with you and blessing you.
It is just in the harsh realities that sometimes my vision gets impaired.
Believe me, I know so many have it way worse than Katie.
I hate the suffering many have to endure.

Today is one of THOSE days.
Where I just want to give into my feelings and cry. and I have.

I know that God does not waste our pain, our anguish, our broken dreams. I really do know that. It's just that, today, I wish it was my broken dream, my pain.
What I wouldn't do to trade places with my gal.

But today, I will treasure the gift of friends and how they have ministered to me.
I will relish the afternoon hike with my two grandsons, a great respite in the sadness.

I will look forward to the days ahead and wait expectedly for God to show His goodness and grace-just like He always does.

Today is just one of THOSE days.

Thursday, November 20, 2014


One week ago tonight, I flew home after spending six days in Texas. I was in San Antonio for our annual Young Life College Summit. It was an absolutely incredible time to see where we have come and where we want to go in our ministry to college students.
I was privileged to lead 200+ people in prayer. We prayed to hear from the LORD, to spend time just with Him; we prayed for our families and we prayed for our individual college ministries. We took time to pray for each other's needs on stickies that were posted on the walls.

I took home all those stickies and have been praying over them this week. I have been stirred, heartbroken and challenged to be faithful to pray for my fellow YLC staffers.

But I must confess, I have wondered often, if God will answer all these prayers. Is He paying attention to those that are hurting? Those who are really struggling with family issues? Those who need money to keep their ministry going? Those who are questioning their call?
I have cried over some requests and been thankful over others. I have been humbled and challenged. I want to pray more and ask the LORD of the Harvest to bring more workers so that our college age friends can know the love and grace of Jesus Christ. I want us, the YLC staff to be pray-ers. That we would be people who continually sought Jesus in our lives, and for our ministry, that it would become so normal for us to go to Jesus for His help whenever we faced challenges.

It is hard to admit that I am not always the first one to go to Jesus when certain things happen. I believe its a process that we get better at the longer we see God's trustworthiness in our lives. 
It isn't always easy, is it?

But this week, I have seen God provide in ways that have humbled me and left me awed with immense gratitude.
You see, I got home and realized that next week on Monday, our youngest daughter will have a hysterectomy.
Katie and Nate have been through the wringer with her health issues since they were married four years ago. She has been dealing with health issues from the time she was 13 and broke her back playing basketball.
She has suffered from Stage 4 endometriosis for years and has had countless surgeries for this extremely painful condition. She has been so incapacitated by pain that Katie has been unable to work for 2 years now. They have tried to get pregnant for at least three years. After test after test with a fertility specialist, they were told that her eggs were damaged and the chances of getting pregnant were almost nil.
Yet the pain continued week after week.
Why should she continue to live in pain if she will never be able to give birth? Her doctor has recommended a hysterectomy for 16 months, and next week, she will undergo the operation.

Their medical expenses have been huge, even after what the insurance has covered.
So I had the idea to try and raise some money for Katie and Nate.
That in itself was a really scary thing for me to do.
Would people give?
Would they think it was necessary?
Would they think I was being opportunistic?
Would they think bad of Katie?

I was very hesitant to do this, but I wrote something and then posted it on Go fund me. (see:
I pushed "Post" and prayed.

Would God provide people to help them with all their medical bills? Would we get even $1000.? Would people care?
Four days later I can tell you how humbled I am.
 I am in complete awe of how people have responded. I have been brought to tears many times. We are almost at the goal I set.

I am thanking God that he used people to provide for Katie and Nate.
I am thanking God that He cares about this mama's heart and how I have ached for my girl for so many years.
I am thanking God for what He is doing in Katie's life through this.
I am thanking God for friends who have responded.

Is it silly for me to have hope that He will answer the requests on all my sticky notes from our YLC staff?
No. Not anymore.
I have seen God provide for me over and over again.
Why would I be surprised that He is providing for Katie and Nate?
Why would I be surprised if He provides for all the prayers of our Young Life College Staff?
Why would I be surprised if He provided for what YOU need?

One of His names is Jehovah Jireh. God will provide.
He will. 
In His time.
For His glory.
To get us (me) to realize again what a wonderful Father He is.