Monday, November 24, 2014

One of THOSE days

Today is one of THOSE days.
The kind you wish you didn't have to go thru.
The kind you wish not even your worst enemy had to endure.

One of THOSE days when you wonder.
Wonder if God sees the pain.
Wonder if HE cares.
Wonder why.
Why her? Hasn't she been through enough?
Hasn't she suffered enough?
Why not me, Lord?

It is one of THOSE days when your own faith shakes to the core.
Those days when you rely heavily on the prayers of others to get you through it.
THOSE Days when you thank GOD for friends who uphold you, who call you and pray with you, who text you often.

It is one of THOSE days when you recall the instances of God's faithfulness and hope with all hope that HE is going to come thru as He has promised.
It is one of THOSE days.
I Know deep within me, that God is in Control.
But oh how I wish the circumstances were different.

Those dreams that die.
They are the hardest.
Sometimes they are the cruelest.

Today is the day our daughter Katie had one of her lifelong dreams die. 
She played with dolls for the longest time. She always wanted to be a mommy. 
When she met Nate, they began to pray for their own baby. They began to try for that baby.
Today, is the day, their dream of having a child from Katie died.

Today is one of THOSE days.
The day you wished your daughter did not have to have a hysterectomy. The pain that ransacked her body for at least 2 1/2 weeks every month, so often incapacitating her, had won.
Today is one of THOSE Days.
The kind you wish the doctor had one more option-but he doesn't.

So today, the dream of having her own child died.

I have a very good friend who texted me today about those dreams of ours that die. It is in those dreams, that God begins to do something new, something HE has planned. Something that if really dwelt on, we could get excited about the possibilities.
I know this will come.
I know HE cares. 
I know HE loves Katie more than I ever could, more than Nate ever could.
But today I grieve for her dream that will never be fulfilled.
I mourn with her and Nate.

I look forward to the better days. The days where the light shines again. The days when it "feels" like God is with you and blessing you.
It is just in the harsh realities that sometimes my vision gets impaired.
Believe me, I know so many have it way worse than Katie.
I hate the suffering many have to endure.

Today is one of THOSE days.
Where I just want to give into my feelings and cry. and I have.

I know that God does not waste our pain, our anguish, our broken dreams. I really do know that. It's just that, today, I wish it was my broken dream, my pain.
What I wouldn't do to trade places with my gal.

But today, I will treasure the gift of friends and how they have ministered to me.
I will relish the afternoon hike with my two grandsons, a great respite in the sadness.

I will look forward to the days ahead and wait expectedly for God to show His goodness and grace-just like He always does.

Today is just one of THOSE days.

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