Friday, June 28, 2013


Life doesn't always happen the way we thought it would.
Seriously, this is so true.

What happens when you get married and envision this special kind of life with you and your spouse? 
You think about all the dreams you have together for your future.
We will work and save money and someday buy our first home.
We will begin to have our children and really start our family.
We will develop friendships that will last a lifetime. We will make memories with these friends and our kids will become best friends and we will live together in the same town and grow together through life's ups and downs.

For those of us who have spiritual roots, and for me, that means having a relationship with Jesus, we will find a church home, get plugged in and find a ministry we can do together.

We have all sorts of plans and dreams and look forward to them with such expectancy and hope.

Then our dreams are dashed.

Our hopes seem like a distant thought. The life we had planned is anything but that. Now what do we do?
What do we do when one of us becomes almost chronically incapacitated by pain. When our physical bodies act like they are 80 instead of in our 20's?
When getting up each day is a chore? When our minds are absolutely astute and wanting to accomplish goals and activities for the day, but our body is wracked in unbelievable pain. And the doctors know something is wrong but they can't fix it? They can't even diagnose it but they know something is seriously wrong.

I don't know what this is like, but my daughter does.
The bright, energetic, full of life gal can't even sometimes cook a meal for her husband. That sweet artistic soul has visions in her head of what she wants to produce, but her hands can't grip her paint brushes because the circulation is so bad that it causes numbness and pain.

And I wonder often "where is God?"
Does He not see this? Can He not heal just one of her health issues??

The logical thinking side of me, knows He is there.
I know "all the answers".
That He is using this in her life.
That He never wastes pain.
That He loves her way more than me.
That He is never going to abandon her.
That He has a plan.
On and on and on.

But the emotional, the mother side of me wants to scream at God.
I can't and YOU can. Why don't you?
WHY does she have to go thru life like this?
How can this sweet couple forge a future when so much of it is unknown.
Yeah, I know, alot of all our futures are unknown.
BUT WHY GOD?? Can you just not give her a little break?

And I have no answers.
But I do have faith.
Faith that believes God.
Faith that has seen me through devestating blows in my own life.
Faith that has held me when I had little to hold on to.

What if I didn't have faith in God??
Oh LORD, I shudder the thought.

For a minute I wish I could be God and heal one part of my sweet gal.
What part would I choose? 
Gosh, I have no idea, but I would heal something that would give her hope.

HOPE is what she clings to.
She even has it tattooed on her wrist.
Hope is what this mom needs right now as she gets ready to say goodbye to her after a visit.
No answers.
But HOPE...
Clinging to Hope and Faith.

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