SOMETIMES, its just really hard to Trust GOD.
These past few days have been like that for me.
Oh, I know, HE is Trustworthy. I know HE is deserving of my trust. But sometimes, with the circumstances of life, those ones that I have absolutely NO control over, but the ones that cause me anxious moments, I lapse in my trust of GOD.
This week two of my small groups are looking at the name of God that is JEHOVAH RAPHA.
The GOD WHO HEALS.
I have experienced so many times where GOD has healed me emotionally and spiritually.
I know that HE has redeemed my past. I know HE has healed deep hurts inflicted on me and those that I deeply love and care about. I have rejoiced in His healings. Praised Him for His healings. Told others about these healings. I am forever grateful for them.
But the physical healings?? Those are the ones that puzzle me. I don't get it.
So many many times in the Gospels, JESUS completely heals so many different types of diseases. Why don't I see that today??
I completely understand that physical illness and disease was never part of God's plan. That because of sin, all types of sickness and disease entered our world. I practiced nursing for 31 years. I know sickness and disease. I have been confronted with the horrors of cancer, the debilitation of strokes, the loss of newborns. I have wrestled with this for years.
I believe with all my heart that GOD can heal ANYONE.
It just doesn't seem that HE chooses to do this much nowdays.
I have way too many people on my caner and debilitating illness list. I pray for these dear ones daily. Too often they leave my list because God chooses to take them home to Him.
And that's the hard part. I want so much for their to be a cure for all cancers.
I want Pulmonary Hypertension not take another precious life. I want babies to be born without heart wrenching malfunctions.
I know GOD uses all these things for His Glory. That's the part I too often forget...that its about HIS GLORY...not what I want.
And what about those precious people who suffer from chronic illnesses and pain? Too often they are overlooked. We tend to think of them as not as sick as someone with cancer or a debilitating disease.
BUT they are in pain. Their bodies don't work the way they are supposed to. They hurt each day. Not necessarily with the pain that comes from cancer or a horrific injury. But everyday, life is a struggle. Everyday, they must choose to keep on. Choose to not let their pain get the best of them.
Those are the days, when I hear of their struggles, when I pray for my dear friends coping with cancer, when I pray for their loved ones watching them fight, that its hard for me to Trust God.
That's the part that tears me up inside.
Why is it so hard to trust my GOD? He has never proved untrustworthy.
I don't have the answers to that.
All I do know is that where else would I go?? Who else can I freely pour out my heart too? Who gets it? Who understands the pain I feel? That others feel?
GOD sees everything. Nothing escapes Him. He aches too. HE is hurt when women and children are sold into slavery for sex, when children are kidnapped to be child soldiers, when millions of people thru out the world go hungry, don't have clean drinking water, can't get jobs, are poor and destitute (whether it be physical , spiritual or emotional).
I know my God sees and that He cares.
I know HE heals.
Sometimes, I just wish it was in my timing...not His.
As I read the Gospel of Luke this morning, I wondered if Jesus, in His humanity, ever wrestled with this. As He was on His knees in the Garden of Gesthemene, HE prayed,
"Father if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. BUT not my will, but YOUR will be done"
Everything is in God's plan. Its about His will...not mine.
I don't get it. And its probably not mine to get.
Every trial, struggle, heartache and pain we go thru..will not be wasted.
Each of those circumstances, as we come thru them, will help us Trust God more.
And that's what I'm praying for now. That I (and you) will Trust God more.
Its not about me. Its not about you.
ITS ALL ABOUT GOD.
O LORD , help me with my lack of trust.