MAN OH MAN. God is always at work in our lives, but do we see it? Are we looking for it? And what do we do with it when we see it?
This week has been one of those weeks for me. The work God has been doing in my life has been showing me how off base I am.
Conviction is NOT FUN.
Its what we do with what He shows us, which is of utmost concern.
In just four short days, in my bible reading, in my bible studies with my Chico girls, I have learned : I don't love the way He wants me to. My judgmental thoughts are so very wrong. My tongue can cause a world of harm.
There you have it. I am a sinner. My sins have been rampant. They are what nailed Jesus Christ to the Cross. I have gotten such a glimpse into the ugliness that resides in me. It has not been pretty, it has not been fun.
This is NOT WHO I WANT TO BE.
LORD GOD, change me.
Help me look more like Your Son and less like the selfish person I am.
Now what do I do? How can I change?
First of all, I must realize that this change is not possible WITHOUT RELYING COMPLETELY ON THE HOLY SPIRT.
A few of my girls and I have been doing Beth Moore's study on Spiritual gifts entitled "Living Beyond Yourself". With different groups, we are in different chapters, so I am blessed to do each chapter twice. This week blessed in the fact, that again, I saw how far short I come in loving as Christ does. Loving with AGAPE love cannot happen apart from the GOD who showed us what it is, what it looks like. I have been challenged to what seems like an unattainable task.
I want to love like JESUS does. I really really want to. But, oh how I need His help. I can't do it on my own. I am asking Him to change me.
Judging others is something I have done way too frequently and I am convicted each and every time I do this. My thoughts mostly don't ever come out of my mouth, so people don't know that I am being critical of them. But I know, and more importantly, God knows. What bothers me most about this awful sim in my life is that I keep doing it. And I keep having to ask God to forgive me and cleanse me from this and then realizing that I will be judged on how I judge. UH OH.
My judgements aren't fair and I don't know what is going on in the other person's life and that's what makes it so wrong. Obviously, I want to change and believe with all that is within me, that God wants to change me. Now its up to me to ask for God's help and to start practicing the concept of asking God to re-direct my thoughts and take every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ.
Then there's the tongue. Thankfully I can admit that God has been at work on this area of my life for years and I truly have seen an improvement. My oldest daughter reminded me last week of an awful remark I made to her in her junior high years in front of her friends, one i still cringe at today. I remember this moment well. I remember asking her to forgive me, which I totally believe that she did, but she and i both remember it 20 years later.
The tongue is powerful. In James 3 it says that we both bless God and curse men with it.
HOW WRONG IS THAT?
I am learning and I can see progress in my life in the area of my tongue. I am so very thankful that God put Scud in my life (for many reasons!!) but two in particular as it relates to the tongue: one is that he always thinks before he speaks and two that he will gently remind me when I don't.
So there you have it. The ugly ugly side of Missy. The side she doesn't want people to know about. The side that today God told me to write about. I so desperately want to be the woman that God envisions me to be. To be an example to the young women I have been blessed to do life with. To be like June Hoch Clodius and Recie Raley, my spiritual mentors. To be real and vulnerable and let them see how I long to do what Christ wants me to do and who He wants me to be.
Today I am letting you in the dark places in my life because I want to be transformed into someone who looks like Jesus, who loves like Jesus, who accepts people exactly where they are like Jesus does and who uses my tongue to affirm and encourage people, precisely what the Holy Spirit has done for me.
What will you do with what God shows you?