Way too often I am obtuse.
I don't remember things that I need to; I am slow at learning, or sometimes I am just downright stubborn. Because I am, I am forced to learn or re-learn a lesson that I already should know. I have come to believe that I am a slow learner when to comes to certain things. Those lessons that God has been trying to teach me for years and years, and I appear to be skull dunce.
One of those lessons that repeatedly appears in my life is my ability to trust God. If we were polled, I imagine most of mankind would agree that we have had our questions about the trustworthiness of God in our lives.
The type of questions that come to my mind are :
"Is God even aware of what I am going through?"
"Does God care about me?"
"Will God help me?"
"Is God capable of getting me in our out of this situation?"
"What is it going to cost me if I trust God?"
"Is God reliable?"
"Is God so busy that He might overlook me?"
"Can God ever forgive me for what I have done?"
We each have our own set of questions and we shouldn't be afraid to ask them.
I believe that God is BIG enough to handle our questions, our doubts, our frailities and insecurities.
It is just that at times, we forget how BIG our GOD is. At least I do.
I remember as a teen, wondering if God cared at all about my parents divorce. Did he not see how my Dad's alcoholism was ruining our family and ruining my Dad? Did He not care?
Did God even imagine what my Mom's unexpected death would do to me through the years? Did He care?
What about the time my daughter was in heart failure because of anorexia? Did He not see my utter anguish and helplessness?
What about my boys? and how drugs tried to destroy one of their lives?
And what about the mental illness our family has been beset with? Does God realize how difficult that is on all of us?
Would God forgive me of the gravest and most violent sin I ever did? Getting rid of a baby that was growing inside me?
I have learned through many many painful experiences that God is trustworthy. Oh these lessons have caused me heartache like you wouldn't believe. But it isn't easy?
Each and everytime, I wonder if God will show up for me? If God really really cares.
YES He does care.
I am the slow one who finally remembers how God has been present. How He supplied whatever it was I needed in the given situation.
And No, He doesn't always show up the way I want Him too. And what I have gone through, or what I have done, will often bring about results or consequences that I will need to live with for awhile.
But God always shows up.
Its not just me who forgets what God has done in my life.
That group of twelve men who lived day in and day out with Jesus while He was ministering on earth, often forgot who Jesus was, what He had done and what He might do.
Maybe you have heard the story of Jesus feeding 5000 plus people with 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. He had been preaching to these people telling them about the kingdom of God and they became hungry. There wasn't a store in sight. No one, except one young fella had thought of bringing some nourishment. Jesus asked his disciples to see if anyone had anything, and they found the lad with the fish and bread.
Jesus then took both of these and gave thanks to His father and blessed the food and then gave it to his friends to distribute it.
Everyone got food. Everyone was satisfied. What's more is that there were leftovers. (here's the link to the bible passage about this
That is one miracle I would have loved to see. Maybe its because I love food and love to see it multiply, cause it never does when I need it too. You would think, like I do, that the disciples would not forget this. I mean, how CRAZY was that?
Days, weeks or months later, they did. Just 2 chapters later, they were again in a situation without food and a large crowd. They asked Jesus where in this far away place will we get food for all these folks?
DUH, do you remember what Jesus did earlier?
Obviously they didn't. (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+8+%3A1-10&version=NIV)
They were alot like me: having trouble remembering what Jesus had done previously.
Freaking out, that He might not come through this time.
Over and over and over again, Jesus has proved Himself faithful to me. He has completely forgiven me and wiped my sins away as far as the east is from the west.
He has supplied EXACTLY what I would need in any and every given situation. It doesn't always come when I want it to come, but it ALWAYS COMES.
He comforted me in my deepest sorrows: when I was utterly lost when my mom died. When my hope and trust was wavering when my daughter was sent to an eating disorder clinic. When I didn't hear anything for almost three years from a son caught in drug addiction.
When the mental illness that has beset our family has shaken me to the core of my being, feeling utterly helpless to do anything to lessen their plight.
When I experienced His immediate forgiveness and knew His peace after I had an abortion.
He has never forgotten me.
He has never forgotten you.
When Jesus' disciples forgot what He had done, He asked them:
"Don't you remember?" Mark 8:18b
Maybe He is asking the same question to me and to you.
Whatever you might be going through, right this minute, He knows. He cares. He loves you. He will be there for you.
It is time for us to remember.
To remember God's faithfulness.
To remember His love, His Grace and forgiveness . Time to remember His countless resources.
Time to remember that He promises us:
" I will never leave you or forsake you."
I hope you aren't as obtuse as me.