Ahhhh LORD, sometimes it is just so hard to follow You.
It sounds so simple, right?
Just follow Jesus.
But WHERE are we going Jesus?? what if I don't fit in? what if I don't like it?? What if you have the wrong person in me??
That's what I want to do. With all my heart and soul. I want to Follow Jesus. I want to obey Him always. But yet, if I'm really honest, I have to say that sometimes its just really hard.
And sometimes its hard to figure out what HE wants me to do. Where HE wants me to be.
I started reading the Gospel of Mark today in my quiet time. And twice in the first 3 chapters, Jesus says: "Follow Me". Peter dropped everything and followed Him. So did Levi the tax collector. So why is it so hard sometimes for me, for you, to follow Jesus?
Is it mostly because we want what we want? Or is it because we are afraid of what He might ask us to do?? And really?? I think my life would be simpler, more enjoyable if I just followed Jesus. If I just kept my eyes on HIM all the time.
In the past couple of weeks, I have been hurt deeply by someone. And you know where hurt leads?? well for me its been to a couple of places?? One is completely doubting my self worth, who I really am, if I am of any value whatsoever to Christ and His Kingdom? the other place is to anger.
Oh how I hate to be angry. I hate how I feel when I am angry. I hate how it can consume me. Thankfully, I have walked with the LORD long enough to realize that anger only hurts me. And that I need to forgive. So if any of my summer staffers are reading this, I too, am now doing the Forgiveness Prayer. I know it works. I know that only because of Jesus' pure forgiveness of me, that I can forgive the one who hurt me. It just takes time.
I am the leper who came to Jesus and said, "Lord, if you are willing, make me clean".
I need to be cleansed by the blood of the spotless Lamb who gave His life for me.
I have a friend who has cancer and I read her blog this am. In the midst of her battling chemo and radiation, her body has suffered greatly. But she has never complained. She has used this whole cancer to draw closer and closer to Jesus. She is certainly one of my heroes. (You are the BEST, Lynn!).
I want to be like her. I want to draw closer and closer to Jesus ...in the midst of the pain I feel right now.
I want to Follow Jesus-even if it hurts. Even in the uncertainty. Even knowing that it might be really hard.
Why? Because I have learned and realized deep down in the core of who I am, that life apart from Jesus Christ doesn't make sense at all. Life with Him, might not make sense at times, but life with Him, always has hope. I can know assuredly that I am not alone. That I believe His words to me that say: "I will never leave you, I will never forsake you"
With having parents who both died, and friends that have too, with leaving lifelong friends to move to Woodleaf when I felt so alone; I know those words to be true. They have taken me thru some really challenging times. Jesus will never leave me or forsake me.
That's why I want to follow Him. Because He won't leave me. I will never be alone. I will always have HOPE. And if you don't know this...you need to meet JESUS and be comforted by His Love, His Grace, His Forgiveness and to know His Peace.
Come , Follow Me.
Yes Lord, I will. Even if its hard, even if it hurts, even when I'm scared.