The older I get, the less likely I am to try new things.
I might try something new for exercising and see if I can do it.
I will try new recipes and am always up for trying new foods.
It is the challenging things, the ones that might cause me to fear, that I seem to want to avoid. I don't want to fail. That just seems like it makes me "older".
Maybe I just like what is comfortable, what is known. To have that feeling of security, normalcy, to know what is going to happen .
Life isn't always like that, is it?
So this year, I decided to try something new. Something different. Something I felt was maybe needed.
For the past 20-25 years, I have read through the Bible each year. If you know me, you know I don't start with Genesis and read all the way through to Revelation. I just read and let God's Spirit move me.
This year, I had this sense, that something new was needed. That I should do something different.
I decided to just concentrate on Jesus and His words.
I decided that I would just read the Gospels; and really soak in the words of Jesus.
If I read just one chapter a day, it will take me four months to read through all the Gospels, and by doing that I can read them three times each and really soak in the words, listen to what Jesus has said and really contemplate how it applies to my life. I can see things new and maybe differently.
I am exasperated at times to read articles, books, blogs that tell me this is how I am to believe on certain issues (ie homosexuality, gay rights, abortion, how to treat the poor).
What if I just asked Jesus?
What if you just asked Jesus?
Isn't His opinion, His commands, His Words, the ones that really count?
And how are we to know what He is saying if we don't read His Words?
I have looked over and over and have yet to find anything that Jesus says concerning homosexuality. I know there are verses in Scripture that talk about this issue, but I don't find any words from Jesus.
This isn't saying He doesn't have an opinion, it is just an observation that He Himself does not address the issue.
There will be MANY issues that arise in our lives, that the Bible does not directly say "do this" or "do that", but that doesn't mean, we can't ask Jesus to help us know His truth. I believe with all my heart, with all my mind, that Jesus wants us to know and live His truth. Sometimes, it is up to us to ask Him to reveal His truth to us.
Please don't take others words, others interpretations.
ASK JESUS.
In time, He will reveal Himself to you.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" John 8:32
Today, three weeks into the new year, I finished reading the Gospel of John. I must say, not that I am surprised, but each and everyday, I pondered anew the words of Jesus. Something, some word, some circumstance, some story, caught my heart and I meditated on what this meant to my life. It has truly been a breath of fresh air. Reading and really trying to hear His words. Soaking in His truth.
As I finished today, I read the words in John 21:19 and then again in verse 22
"Follow Me."
"You must follow Me".
That is what it is ALL about.
Following Jesus.
Being obedient to His commands.
Asking Him when we are unsure.
Following Jesus doesn't mean that life will be easy. In actuality, it gets really really hard at times.
Following Jesus doesn't guarantee a pain free, trial free, heartache free life. It just means that following Jesus is the BEST way. The way that will lead to life everlasting.
Jesus wants our devotion.
He wants our obedience.
He is the ONE who is GOD.
He is Good. He desire His best for us.
Please don't get caught up in what others say, don't believe what one man or woman says, ask Jesus Himself.
"Follow Me".
That is probably the one true thing we can do.
We can make the decision each and everyday to Follow JESUS. Sometimes, it may be a moment by moment decision, but the BEST thing we can do is :
to Follow Jesus.
For our whole lives.
Until we meet Him face to face and get to be with Him forever and ever.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
RUN AWAY FROM STANGERS.
Most of us remember as children our parents telling us to be aware of strangers. If someone we didn't know approached us, we were to run away. Run to a safe place, whether it be home or to someone you knew would protect you. We tell our own children to be aware of strangers. I often wonder, if there is any place in our world today where parents feel that their kiddos are completely safe.
When our daughter Kristi was in second grade, she was friends with a girl in our neighborhood who was a couple of years older than her. Kristi and Sarah kept asking me to let Kristi walk home from school with her. Maybe I was playing it safe, but I was a bit hesitant. Those two girls kept hounding me. The school was only a few blocks from our home. So after talking with Sarah's mom, we decided it would be ok to try. We set up how it would work. The girls would meet on the playground right after school and walk home together.
The day came and Kristi was so excited. We went over the plan once again (too protective you think?) before I took her to school. But Sarah forgot. Kristi waited and waited for Sarah, who never showed up. After awhile, Kristi decided to walk home by herself. She obviously knew the way. As she began walking, she felt so grown up. All of a sudden she realized that a car with a man in it, was following her very closely. If she stopped, the car stopped. I guess it was all my "beware of strangers" comments that shouted out to her. She knew something was not right and she, being the smart little seven year old that she was, decided to go back to the school pretending she forgot something. Kristi was still on the grass of the park that surrounded the school so it could look like she really forgot something. She went straight to the school office and they called me. Immediately I drove to the school to pick her up. It turned out that the man following her had been doing this for a few days and the school had reported this to the police.
I was completely relieved that my girl was safe. That she was smart and that she had listened to me. I never got angry, I was grateful beyond words that my girl was protected. I have no recollection of what I said to Sarah or her mom, but we decided Kristi was not ready to walk home from school yet.
In the tenth chapter of the Gospel of John, Jesus tells us that He is the Good Shepherd and that we are His sheep. Sheep, when not grazing in the fields with the shepherd are placed together in a pen.
These are the words Jesus spoke in John 10:1-5
"What if someone does not enter the sheep pen through the gate but climbs in another way? That person is a thief and a robber. 2 The one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him. The sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own sheep, he goes on ahead of them. His sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5 But they will never follow a stranger. In fact, they will run away from him."
When we believe in Jesus, when we want Him to be the ONE who guides our life, we become His sheep and He becomes Our Shepherd. If you know anything about sheep, they are not very smart and often can get themselves into trouble by wandering off from their shepherd. The Shepherd is the one who keeps them from harm, who protects them and guides them. After a time, the sheep learn that their shepherd is the one who truly cares for them.
Often times I know I am nothing but a dumb sheep. I get myself into trouble and then wonder, "how did this happen?". Umm, maybe its because I try and do things, figure out things, without asking my Shepherd what to do.
Jesus said that the sheep know His Voice and follow Him. The shepherd calls them by name and they follow Him. Do I know that? Do you? How do we as believers and followers of Jesus Christ know His voice? I believe it is mostly through His Word, the words written all through the Bible. If we don't know His Words, how will we ever know if we are being deceived or not. If we aren't asking Jesus to reveal Himself and His truth to us, and are listening to others opinions, how do we know what is really truth?
If you believe in God and that He is Good, then it most likely follows, that you would believe there is also evil and that is bad. In the Bible, the devil is God's enemy. He will do whatever he can to try and catch us off guard, to get us to believe something is true when it isn't. The devil wants more than anything for us not to follow God, not to listen to Him, not to read His Word, not to obey what He asks of us. Throughout the Bible, the devil is referred to as the father of lies, the deceiver, the thief. He is the enemy of God and he is our enemy too.
In John 10: 10, Jesus tells us:
10 A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so they may have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way.
A thief, THE thief is the devil. He wants to destroy us. He wants to believe what we want. He wants to take us away from Jesus and will do anything he can to make this happen. He is the STRANGER that we need to run from; always. The devil is the one who wants to harm us, to steal us, to kill and destroy the full life that Jesus wants to give us.
I have come to know with certainty that God's enemy is out to deceive and destroy God's children. Loving and choosing to work with my college age friends, I have seen over the past few years, how satan (one of the devil's names) is deceiving us. We have come to the Bible as if we have come to a smorgasbord. We pick and choose what we want to believe. You know when you go to a buffet, there are so many delightful foods to entice you, and then there are the few that might possibly even repulse you and you choose to stay away from them. That is what we are doing today in choosing what we want to believe as God's truth and what we want for our own lives.
Just a few examples of this.
The issue of having sex before marriage. According to his books, Unchristian and You Lost Me, Dave Kinnaman says that later adolescents today ( adolescents are now being described as people from ages 12-26), those that profess to believe and follow Jesus, believe that it is ok to have sex before marriage-especially if you are in love with the person. If we are to believe that the Bible is God's Word and it is truth, how do we reconcile what the book of Hebrews 13:4 says:
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
I surmise by this that sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approve. But don't take my word for it, ask God, read the Bible , look up verses and study tools. It is too easy today to rationalize our own thoughts and feelings when we want to do something. But would we do something that God says not to, if we knew He was right with us? Because He is. Ask yourself, would I keep doing what I'm doing if I could physically see Jesus right here with me? Just because we cannot "see" Him, He promises us that He is always with us.
I know this is a smorgasbord topic. I want to have sex with my boyfriend, with my girlfriend. I want what I want, who cares what the Bible says. I get it; really I do. I had sex before I knew Jesus when I was in college. I had sex when I did know Jesus when I wasn't married. Guess what? Now I wish I hadn't. Because after 38 years of marriage, I know that sex is pleasurable and fun, but it really means what God intended for it, in marriage-when you feel safe and loved and cared for.
Another smorgasbord topic that we want to pick and choose from is the whole issue of homosexuality. This is a buzz issue today in the Church of Christ. What I want more than anything is for you to go to God's Word, to God Himself, to ask how you should respond, get your viewpoint from God, not others. There is so much anger and hatred that has been spewing out of what Christians say, that I am embarrassed. I wrote two blogs in 2014 and one in 2013 about this that you can read if you want:
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2013/07/jesus-and-gays.html,
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2014/03/eyes-to-see-ears-to-hear.html,
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2014/04/watch-what-you-say-or-write.html
But again, Please don't get your opinion from me, ask God for His Truth and I pray then, "that you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32)
There are many other buzz topics, smorgasbord choices, believing what we want to believe and choosing to not believe others. What I am trying to get across here is that the thief is right here coming to steal and destroy us from the reality of Jesus. The devil is the STRANGER, the one we need to RUN AWAY FROM, the one who wants to do whatever it takes for us not to believe GOD.
RUN AWAY FROM THIS STRANGER. RUN TO GOD, RUN TO JESUS. He will be the ONE who protects you, who wants the very BEST for you, who cares for you and loves you unconditionally. He is the GOOD SHEPHERD who longs to hold you and comfort you and give you His peace. LISTEN to HIS VOICE. KNOW HIS VOICE and above all FOLLOW HIM.
Friday, January 2, 2015
UMMMM.....BECAUSE.
Today was day 2 of my new routine.
Listening. Soaking in. Meditating. Pondering. Believing.
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2015/01/new-year.html
This morning I read John 2.
This is the famous passage of the first miracle Jesus performed. You know the one where He turned water into wine! What I would have done to be at that wedding!!!
The story is crazy and many people don't believe it.
I believe the story. Why wouldn't I ? If Jesus is God, and I believe that with all my heart, and He left heaven to come to earth for the sole purpose of restoring us to having a relationship with the Father, why wouldn't I believe that He could change water into wine ? And was it the best Pinot ever or was it a phenomenal Cab ? Oh to taste it would have been wonderful!! (but I am getting off course here).
It wasn't the miracle of changing the water into wine that caught my thoughts this morning. It was at the beginning of the story, when the wine ran out and Mary, Jesus' mother asked Him to do something.
His response to her was:
" Dear Woman,why do you involve me?"
WHY?
Because Mary knows WHO YOU ARE. She knows that YOU are GOD.
That is why I, we, come to you.
Because I know that YOU ARE GOD.
YOU are the ONE with wisdom, with answers that I need.
The ONE who provides me with strength and courage when I have none.
The ONE who promises to supply my every need I have.
The ONE who can uphold and support me, when no one else can. Even the ones I normally look to.
YOU are the ONE who longs to reveal Himself to me, to us.
Why involve You?
BECAUSE YOU are GOD ALMIGHTY.
Life does not make sense apart from You.
Life often seems to not make sense with You, BUT YOU have promised to never leave me alone-or you.
That YOU are ALWAYS with me.
That YOU are the Good Shepherd, who longs to nurture us, to carry us, to bandage us and mend us, to heal us.
So Lord Jesus, like your dear sweet mother, I need to involve you in ALL the affairs of my life. There is nothing in my life that You want to ignore, that you don't care about.
That is why I want to involve YOU.
THANK YOU that You let me.
That You listen.
That You care.
That You want to be involved.
I am so very grateful for that.
In the story, after Jesus realizes that this, this is His time to start His miracles, Mary tells the servants:
"Do whatever He tells you."
Hmmmm.
What would all our lives look like if we just did "whatever He tells you (us)" ?
If we just obeyed?
If we just listened?
If we just followed His leading?
All the time, everyday, day in and day out. Week in and week out. Month in and month out. Year in and year out.
You get the picture.
What would it be like if we just obeyed the moment He told us something ?
Possibly a bit less chaotic. A bit less confusing.
Possibly a bit more clear.
A life with more HOPE.
A life dependent on the ONE who loves us with complete abandonment, the ONE who promises to be with us always, to never leave us or forsake us.
Ahh, if we just did " whatever He tells you."
Listening. Soaking in. Meditating. Pondering. Believing.
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2015/01/new-year.html
This morning I read John 2.
This is the famous passage of the first miracle Jesus performed. You know the one where He turned water into wine! What I would have done to be at that wedding!!!
The story is crazy and many people don't believe it.
I believe the story. Why wouldn't I ? If Jesus is God, and I believe that with all my heart, and He left heaven to come to earth for the sole purpose of restoring us to having a relationship with the Father, why wouldn't I believe that He could change water into wine ? And was it the best Pinot ever or was it a phenomenal Cab ? Oh to taste it would have been wonderful!! (but I am getting off course here).
It wasn't the miracle of changing the water into wine that caught my thoughts this morning. It was at the beginning of the story, when the wine ran out and Mary, Jesus' mother asked Him to do something.
His response to her was:
" Dear Woman,why do you involve me?"
WHY?
Because Mary knows WHO YOU ARE. She knows that YOU are GOD.
That is why I, we, come to you.
Because I know that YOU ARE GOD.
YOU are the ONE with wisdom, with answers that I need.
The ONE who provides me with strength and courage when I have none.
The ONE who promises to supply my every need I have.
The ONE who can uphold and support me, when no one else can. Even the ones I normally look to.
YOU are the ONE who longs to reveal Himself to me, to us.
Why involve You?
BECAUSE YOU are GOD ALMIGHTY.
Life does not make sense apart from You.
Life often seems to not make sense with You, BUT YOU have promised to never leave me alone-or you.
That YOU are ALWAYS with me.
That YOU are the Good Shepherd, who longs to nurture us, to carry us, to bandage us and mend us, to heal us.
So Lord Jesus, like your dear sweet mother, I need to involve you in ALL the affairs of my life. There is nothing in my life that You want to ignore, that you don't care about.
That is why I want to involve YOU.
THANK YOU that You let me.
That You listen.
That You care.
That You want to be involved.
I am so very grateful for that.
In the story, after Jesus realizes that this, this is His time to start His miracles, Mary tells the servants:
"Do whatever He tells you."
Hmmmm.
What would all our lives look like if we just did "whatever He tells you (us)" ?
If we just obeyed?
If we just listened?
If we just followed His leading?
All the time, everyday, day in and day out. Week in and week out. Month in and month out. Year in and year out.
You get the picture.
What would it be like if we just obeyed the moment He told us something ?
Possibly a bit less chaotic. A bit less confusing.
Possibly a bit more clear.
A life with more HOPE.
A life dependent on the ONE who loves us with complete abandonment, the ONE who promises to be with us always, to never leave us or forsake us.
Ahh, if we just did " whatever He tells you."
Thursday, January 1, 2015
NEW YEAR
WELCOME 2015.
I, for one, am ready for a new beginning; an opportunity to make some changes that I need to, a time to be intentional about pursuing God more.
I want to be purposeful in maintaining and strengthening relationships with those I love.
I desire to be present.
I choose to extend grace and forgiveness.
I am going to choose to love when I don't feel like it; give my time when I'd rather not, give my resources when I want something. (that is probably so insignificant.)
I hope to be more of the person that God envisions me to be.
This year I am going to switch things up a bit in my previous routines.
For twenty plus years, I have read the Bible each year. I never start with Genesis and end with Revelation. I don't have any plan, I just start and then I believe, the LORD leads me.
But this year, I have felt the need to do something different. So for at least the first 4 months, I am going to read only the gospels. I want, I need to just hear Jesus' Words. They are life giving to me.
What HE says is more important than what anyone could ever say to me. I need His input- on everything!
I love blogs. I love books. I get challenged by what others say. But I need more of Jesus.
To be more who Jesus wants me to be; I need to be with Him more. I need to soak in His words; meditate on them, ponder them, believe them. I need to practice putting them into my life.
I am really looking forward to this new endeavor.
I know I will be challenged. I will be convicted.
I probably will feel like a failure at times.
But I anticipate knowing and loving my Savior and LORD more than I do today.
And how glorious and amazing will that be?
Yesterday I read Sarah Bessey's post on Facebook, asking her many readers, what had been their word for 2014 as the year began, and what would be their word as the year came to a close.
I spent some time reading what others had written and then thought about my own life.
I had chosen the word GRACE to be my word for 2014. I did learn more about grace and I think I extended more grace, but am not sure that is the word that actually described my year. I ended up choosing a couple of words that reflected my year.
TRUSTING was the word that came to mind the most. Trusting the LORD when I was so UNCERTAIN of so many things. When life took different paths than we could have ever imagined. Trusting that GOD remained in control when life spinned off the axis that was trajected.
SEARCHING was the other word.
Searching for what was next. Searching for God's direction. Thankful that He showed me.
I am not going to think of a word for 2015.
I think I will reflect at the end of this year to choose the word.
Last year I wanted more GRACE. Needed more grace. Wanted to give more GRACE. It was about what I wanted.
This year, I am going to let GOD choose the Word that HE wants for me. Or maybe a few words. Or a few verses.
What I do know is that God longs to reveal Himself to me; to you.
I heard a wonderful pastor speak these words last fall:
" There is NEVER a time when God is not wanting to reveal Himself to us".
That is what I want to hear this year. His revelations to me.
I pray that you too, will hear Him more.
I, for one, am ready for a new beginning; an opportunity to make some changes that I need to, a time to be intentional about pursuing God more.
I want to be purposeful in maintaining and strengthening relationships with those I love.
I desire to be present.
I choose to extend grace and forgiveness.
I am going to choose to love when I don't feel like it; give my time when I'd rather not, give my resources when I want something. (that is probably so insignificant.)
I hope to be more of the person that God envisions me to be.
This year I am going to switch things up a bit in my previous routines.
For twenty plus years, I have read the Bible each year. I never start with Genesis and end with Revelation. I don't have any plan, I just start and then I believe, the LORD leads me.
But this year, I have felt the need to do something different. So for at least the first 4 months, I am going to read only the gospels. I want, I need to just hear Jesus' Words. They are life giving to me.
What HE says is more important than what anyone could ever say to me. I need His input- on everything!
I love blogs. I love books. I get challenged by what others say. But I need more of Jesus.
To be more who Jesus wants me to be; I need to be with Him more. I need to soak in His words; meditate on them, ponder them, believe them. I need to practice putting them into my life.
I am really looking forward to this new endeavor.
I know I will be challenged. I will be convicted.
I probably will feel like a failure at times.
But I anticipate knowing and loving my Savior and LORD more than I do today.
And how glorious and amazing will that be?
Yesterday I read Sarah Bessey's post on Facebook, asking her many readers, what had been their word for 2014 as the year began, and what would be their word as the year came to a close.
I spent some time reading what others had written and then thought about my own life.
I had chosen the word GRACE to be my word for 2014. I did learn more about grace and I think I extended more grace, but am not sure that is the word that actually described my year. I ended up choosing a couple of words that reflected my year.
TRUSTING was the word that came to mind the most. Trusting the LORD when I was so UNCERTAIN of so many things. When life took different paths than we could have ever imagined. Trusting that GOD remained in control when life spinned off the axis that was trajected.
SEARCHING was the other word.
Searching for what was next. Searching for God's direction. Thankful that He showed me.
I am not going to think of a word for 2015.
I think I will reflect at the end of this year to choose the word.
Last year I wanted more GRACE. Needed more grace. Wanted to give more GRACE. It was about what I wanted.
This year, I am going to let GOD choose the Word that HE wants for me. Or maybe a few words. Or a few verses.
What I do know is that God longs to reveal Himself to me; to you.
I heard a wonderful pastor speak these words last fall:
" There is NEVER a time when God is not wanting to reveal Himself to us".
That is what I want to hear this year. His revelations to me.
I pray that you too, will hear Him more.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
REMEMBERING THE BLESSINGS. REMEMBERING THE GIFTS
I realize how tough this time of year can be for some.
I remember the times Christmas was so very hard for me; when I didn't want to celebrate, when I just wanted to crawl under the covers and stay there.
It was Christmas in 1973. My mom had died unexpectedly two months before.
"How do we do Christmas without mom?"
"What do we even do?"
It wasn't very fun. Who cared about the tree? The decorations?
But it was to be the last Christmas we would celebrate in the home we grew up in. So we did it. My sister and her family came from Mexico. My older brother came from Oregon. My younger brother and I were home.
We bought the tree. We decorated it. And we did it just to "do it" the one last time.
Vividly, I remember saying I would cook the turkey. I was sure I remember how my parents did it. In a greased bag at a high temp for an hour and then a lower temp for another hour and a half. We all thought that was how it was done.
We had a pink turkey. It wasn't cooked all the way through. I cried again.
My grandmother was there. She had lost her only child. She wanted to be with us. We tried to make it special for her. I'm sure we failed there too. I remember flying to Los Angeles to take my grandmother home. She got sick and I had to call 911. I remember kneeling on the floor of her living room in her small apartment begging God not to take her. I couldn't handle another loss. Thankfully, He didn't.
But it was in the words of Alexander, a "no good, terrible, awful Christmas".
The other Christmas that was very hard happened in the mid 80's. I was a NICU nurse and was taking care of a sweet sweet baby named David who had Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type II. It is a brittle bone disease and he was born with over 200 fractures over his tiny little body. David was never expected to live through his delivery, but he did.
David lived for ten days. I was his primary care nurse and I did everything I could to make him comfortable and help his parents endure this tragedy. David died on Christmas Eve. It was a very emotional day for me. I had three healthy children and this couple had just lost their son. I had to "rally" for my kids sake, but my sorrow was immense that year.
I have several friends that will spend their first Christmas without their loved one. It will be hard. It will be different. It will be sad.
The second Christmas for me without my mom was harder than the first because I realized how immense the loss was: I never again would have Christmas with her. So already I am praying for my best friend and her family as they will have another Christmas without their son and brother.
The good thing is: we have our memories and they can be such gifts; such blessings.
I still make every year the brownies my mom made at Christmas and gave away. Those were the brownies we always left for Santa. Those brownies were my grandmother's recipe, and I very rarely give that recipe away. It's one of the few things I have left of my mom and Honey (my gram) that no one can take away.
IF this Christmas is one you are dreading, please try and remember the blessings and the gifts you have been given.
It is a gift to mourn the loss of someone you will miss, that person was a treasured gift of love, and how blessed are we to have known and received love.
Remember the person with fondness.
How they made you laugh.
The silly, quirky things they did.
The things that drove you crazy.
The fun times you had in different places.
The sweet moments that you treasure.
The words you remember spoken to you.
BE THANKFUL for how your life was enriched by that person.
How your life won't be the same again, and you don't have to try and make it be, but the ONE THING NO ONE CAN TAKE FROM YOU IS YOUR MEMORIES of your dear loved one.
In the midst of the sadness, your grief, realize that you are not alone.
There is someone who understands.
Someone too, who lost a dearly loved son.
Someone who understands your grief and cries with you.
Someone who will be there in the darkest, scariest moments you endure.
Someone who longs to cradle you and whisper to you:
" I know. I understand. I love you. I am here with you."
This is the GOD who made you, who created you, who loves you. Who blessed your life be giving you people to love, to share your grief and joys.
GOD cries with you. He knows and feels your loss.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Try each day to find one or two or even five things to be thankful for. Gifts you have been given. Blessings you have experienced.
This won't make the holidays easier.
But it might make you more aware that there are things we take so often for granted, that are meant to bless us.
Sometimes, for me at least, it is good to have something else to do besides cry.
May you find the HOPE that Christmas really is.
I remember the times Christmas was so very hard for me; when I didn't want to celebrate, when I just wanted to crawl under the covers and stay there.
It was Christmas in 1973. My mom had died unexpectedly two months before.
"How do we do Christmas without mom?"
"What do we even do?"
It wasn't very fun. Who cared about the tree? The decorations?
But it was to be the last Christmas we would celebrate in the home we grew up in. So we did it. My sister and her family came from Mexico. My older brother came from Oregon. My younger brother and I were home.
We bought the tree. We decorated it. And we did it just to "do it" the one last time.
Vividly, I remember saying I would cook the turkey. I was sure I remember how my parents did it. In a greased bag at a high temp for an hour and then a lower temp for another hour and a half. We all thought that was how it was done.
We had a pink turkey. It wasn't cooked all the way through. I cried again.
My grandmother was there. She had lost her only child. She wanted to be with us. We tried to make it special for her. I'm sure we failed there too. I remember flying to Los Angeles to take my grandmother home. She got sick and I had to call 911. I remember kneeling on the floor of her living room in her small apartment begging God not to take her. I couldn't handle another loss. Thankfully, He didn't.
But it was in the words of Alexander, a "no good, terrible, awful Christmas".
The other Christmas that was very hard happened in the mid 80's. I was a NICU nurse and was taking care of a sweet sweet baby named David who had Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type II. It is a brittle bone disease and he was born with over 200 fractures over his tiny little body. David was never expected to live through his delivery, but he did.
David lived for ten days. I was his primary care nurse and I did everything I could to make him comfortable and help his parents endure this tragedy. David died on Christmas Eve. It was a very emotional day for me. I had three healthy children and this couple had just lost their son. I had to "rally" for my kids sake, but my sorrow was immense that year.
I have several friends that will spend their first Christmas without their loved one. It will be hard. It will be different. It will be sad.
The second Christmas for me without my mom was harder than the first because I realized how immense the loss was: I never again would have Christmas with her. So already I am praying for my best friend and her family as they will have another Christmas without their son and brother.
The good thing is: we have our memories and they can be such gifts; such blessings.
I still make every year the brownies my mom made at Christmas and gave away. Those were the brownies we always left for Santa. Those brownies were my grandmother's recipe, and I very rarely give that recipe away. It's one of the few things I have left of my mom and Honey (my gram) that no one can take away.
IF this Christmas is one you are dreading, please try and remember the blessings and the gifts you have been given.
It is a gift to mourn the loss of someone you will miss, that person was a treasured gift of love, and how blessed are we to have known and received love.
Remember the person with fondness.
How they made you laugh.
The silly, quirky things they did.
The things that drove you crazy.
The fun times you had in different places.
The sweet moments that you treasure.
The words you remember spoken to you.
BE THANKFUL for how your life was enriched by that person.
How your life won't be the same again, and you don't have to try and make it be, but the ONE THING NO ONE CAN TAKE FROM YOU IS YOUR MEMORIES of your dear loved one.
In the midst of the sadness, your grief, realize that you are not alone.
There is someone who understands.
Someone too, who lost a dearly loved son.
Someone who understands your grief and cries with you.
Someone who will be there in the darkest, scariest moments you endure.
Someone who longs to cradle you and whisper to you:
" I know. I understand. I love you. I am here with you."
This is the GOD who made you, who created you, who loves you. Who blessed your life be giving you people to love, to share your grief and joys.
GOD cries with you. He knows and feels your loss.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Try each day to find one or two or even five things to be thankful for. Gifts you have been given. Blessings you have experienced.
This won't make the holidays easier.
But it might make you more aware that there are things we take so often for granted, that are meant to bless us.
Sometimes, for me at least, it is good to have something else to do besides cry.
May you find the HOPE that Christmas really is.
Friday, December 12, 2014
THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR ??
The Christmas Season.
That sentence alone can either send us into a state of giddiness or into the abyss of despondency.
How can something so celebrated by some be to others, something they want to avoid altogether?
When life is good, when we are coasting along and everything seems right, Christmas is anticipated with glee and gaiety.
When life seems awful, when you are despairing, Christmas is the time when you wish everyone would quit being so happy.
This Christmas, can we try and remember that there are those we love, who are dreading this season? There are those we don't know who wish more than anything they could celebrate right now, but due to circumstances, they are in a place of despair. There are some who have no idea what Christmas is all about, who if they did know, might again be able to hope.
HOPE that life could get better.
That life could be lived without fear.
Without thinking they could be beaten and killed because of the color of their skin.
That all of us could see we are family; we might look different from each other, we might believe different things, but we all are brothers and sisters in the human race.
This Christmas season, called Advent, by Christians everywhere, is a season of waiting. Waiting for the birth of the baby who would forever change the world. Waiting with expectation and urgency, for God above, to make everything right again. It is the time to focus on where we are and where we desire to be. Not in the physical mindset, or the place where are dreams might be, but where we want to be in relationship with a GOD who desperately woos us. One who wants the very best for us. One who longs for us to know Him and understand the significance of sending His Son to earth to navigate the way for us to return.
To return to the ONE who has given us life. Who has given us the very breath we each are taking this very minute. The ONE who gave us a heartbeat to align with how His heart beats for us.
To return to where we were meant to be.
To the place where we have always wanted to be.
The place of contentment. The place that we know is our home, the real home, the one we long for.
The place where we feel safe.
Even when we are deeply grieving the loss of a loved one who we miss dearly.
Or when certain dreams of ours have been shattered.
Or when we have been wronged and hurt and need to be loved and nurtured.
To return to the place where we should have been all along.
In this season of hurrying to get everything done, checking off our lists, baking our goods, going to parties, worrying about how our families will interact, can we return to the place where we know is the right place to be?
To the place GOD always intended for us to be.
In a relationship with Him. So that in the great moments of our life, we know His blessings, and in the most horrific moments of our lives, we can experience His presence and His Peace.
None of us were ever meant to live life independently.
Why do we think we can?
And then when things go wrong, we blame God.
Why God? Because we think if He really loved and cared for us, none of the bad things would happen. So when they do we blame Him.
But it is not His fault. It is our own. We were meant to live with GOD, not trying to be our own god.
That is the reason Jesus Christ came to earth.
read an abridged version her of the true meaning of Christmas.
(http://www.gotquestions.org/Christmas-true-meaning.html)
Everything about the real meaning of Christmas points to Our God who pursues us relentlessly. Over and over again. When we continually turn our backs on Him.
But to be real, even when we do seek Him, when we try and be who He desires us to be, things can go terribly wrong.
We still can lose our jobs. We still have racism. We still have poverty. And slavery. And discrimination that is often rampant, whether it be because of our race, our religion, our sexual orientation. We can still have loved ones die. We can still have cancer ravage our bodies. We can still be lonely and afraid. We can still suffer from mental illness and have loved ones who suffer.
Being where we were meant to be, means returning to a God who desperately wants us to call him Papa. To go to the FATHER who wants to hold us, comfort us, encourage us, and mostly love us. Even when we might not have a good earthly example of a father. Even when we could be afraid of a man called father.
GOD is the FATHER we all need. The true meaning of the word Father. HE is the ONE who loves us unconditionally; no matter what we might have done. The ONE who forgives us and pursues us. Don't we all need that? To feel loved and pursued?
So yes, this might be the time of year when we dread Christmas and wish it would go away because of our own heartache. But we can go to a FATHER who knows us intimately, who wants to love and care for us, and wants us to feel safe with Him.
Because that is the place we were always meant to be.
Here are links to 2 of my blogs also about Christmas.
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2013/12/light-in-darkness.html
and
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2013/12/celebrating-christmas-when-you-dont.html
That sentence alone can either send us into a state of giddiness or into the abyss of despondency.
How can something so celebrated by some be to others, something they want to avoid altogether?
When life is good, when we are coasting along and everything seems right, Christmas is anticipated with glee and gaiety.
When life seems awful, when you are despairing, Christmas is the time when you wish everyone would quit being so happy.
This Christmas, can we try and remember that there are those we love, who are dreading this season? There are those we don't know who wish more than anything they could celebrate right now, but due to circumstances, they are in a place of despair. There are some who have no idea what Christmas is all about, who if they did know, might again be able to hope.
HOPE that life could get better.
That life could be lived without fear.
Without thinking they could be beaten and killed because of the color of their skin.
That all of us could see we are family; we might look different from each other, we might believe different things, but we all are brothers and sisters in the human race.
This Christmas season, called Advent, by Christians everywhere, is a season of waiting. Waiting for the birth of the baby who would forever change the world. Waiting with expectation and urgency, for God above, to make everything right again. It is the time to focus on where we are and where we desire to be. Not in the physical mindset, or the place where are dreams might be, but where we want to be in relationship with a GOD who desperately woos us. One who wants the very best for us. One who longs for us to know Him and understand the significance of sending His Son to earth to navigate the way for us to return.
To return to the ONE who has given us life. Who has given us the very breath we each are taking this very minute. The ONE who gave us a heartbeat to align with how His heart beats for us.
To return to where we were meant to be.
To the place where we have always wanted to be.
The place of contentment. The place that we know is our home, the real home, the one we long for.
The place where we feel safe.
Even when we are deeply grieving the loss of a loved one who we miss dearly.
Or when certain dreams of ours have been shattered.
Or when we have been wronged and hurt and need to be loved and nurtured.
To return to the place where we should have been all along.
In this season of hurrying to get everything done, checking off our lists, baking our goods, going to parties, worrying about how our families will interact, can we return to the place where we know is the right place to be?
To the place GOD always intended for us to be.
In a relationship with Him. So that in the great moments of our life, we know His blessings, and in the most horrific moments of our lives, we can experience His presence and His Peace.
None of us were ever meant to live life independently.
Why do we think we can?
And then when things go wrong, we blame God.
Why God? Because we think if He really loved and cared for us, none of the bad things would happen. So when they do we blame Him.
But it is not His fault. It is our own. We were meant to live with GOD, not trying to be our own god.
That is the reason Jesus Christ came to earth.
read an abridged version her of the true meaning of Christmas.
(http://www.gotquestions.org/Christmas-true-meaning.html)
Everything about the real meaning of Christmas points to Our God who pursues us relentlessly. Over and over again. When we continually turn our backs on Him.
But to be real, even when we do seek Him, when we try and be who He desires us to be, things can go terribly wrong.
We still can lose our jobs. We still have racism. We still have poverty. And slavery. And discrimination that is often rampant, whether it be because of our race, our religion, our sexual orientation. We can still have loved ones die. We can still have cancer ravage our bodies. We can still be lonely and afraid. We can still suffer from mental illness and have loved ones who suffer.
Being where we were meant to be, means returning to a God who desperately wants us to call him Papa. To go to the FATHER who wants to hold us, comfort us, encourage us, and mostly love us. Even when we might not have a good earthly example of a father. Even when we could be afraid of a man called father.
GOD is the FATHER we all need. The true meaning of the word Father. HE is the ONE who loves us unconditionally; no matter what we might have done. The ONE who forgives us and pursues us. Don't we all need that? To feel loved and pursued?
So yes, this might be the time of year when we dread Christmas and wish it would go away because of our own heartache. But we can go to a FATHER who knows us intimately, who wants to love and care for us, and wants us to feel safe with Him.
Because that is the place we were always meant to be.
Here are links to 2 of my blogs also about Christmas.
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2013/12/light-in-darkness.html
and
http://missyscud.blogspot.com/2013/12/celebrating-christmas-when-you-dont.html
Monday, November 24, 2014
One of THOSE days
Today is one of THOSE days.
The kind you wish you didn't have to go thru.
The kind you wish not even your worst enemy had to endure.
One of THOSE days when you wonder.
Wonder if God sees the pain.
Wonder if HE cares.
Wonder why.
Why her? Hasn't she been through enough?
Hasn't she suffered enough?
Why not me, Lord?
It is one of THOSE days when your own faith shakes to the core.
Those days when you rely heavily on the prayers of others to get you through it.
THOSE Days when you thank GOD for friends who uphold you, who call you and pray with you, who text you often.
It is one of THOSE days when you recall the instances of God's faithfulness and hope with all hope that HE is going to come thru as He has promised.
It is one of THOSE days.
I Know deep within me, that God is in Control.
But oh how I wish the circumstances were different.
Those dreams that die.
They are the hardest.
Sometimes they are the cruelest.
Today is the day our daughter Katie had one of her lifelong dreams die.
She played with dolls for the longest time. She always wanted to be a mommy.
When she met Nate, they began to pray for their own baby. They began to try for that baby.
Today, is the day, their dream of having a child from Katie died.
Today is one of THOSE days.
The day you wished your daughter did not have to have a hysterectomy. The pain that ransacked her body for at least 2 1/2 weeks every month, so often incapacitating her, had won.
Today is one of THOSE Days.
The kind you wish the doctor had one more option-but he doesn't.
So today, the dream of having her own child died.
I have a very good friend who texted me today about those dreams of ours that die. It is in those dreams, that God begins to do something new, something HE has planned. Something that if really dwelt on, we could get excited about the possibilities.
I know this will come.
I know HE cares.
I know HE loves Katie more than I ever could, more than Nate ever could.
But today I grieve for her dream that will never be fulfilled.
I mourn with her and Nate.
I look forward to the better days. The days where the light shines again. The days when it "feels" like God is with you and blessing you.
It is just in the harsh realities that sometimes my vision gets impaired.
Believe me, I know so many have it way worse than Katie.
I hate the suffering many have to endure.
Today is one of THOSE days.
Where I just want to give into my feelings and cry. and I have.
I know that God does not waste our pain, our anguish, our broken dreams. I really do know that. It's just that, today, I wish it was my broken dream, my pain.
What I wouldn't do to trade places with my gal.
But today, I will treasure the gift of friends and how they have ministered to me.
I will relish the afternoon hike with my two grandsons, a great respite in the sadness.
I will look forward to the days ahead and wait expectedly for God to show His goodness and grace-just like He always does.
Today is just one of THOSE days.
The kind you wish you didn't have to go thru.
The kind you wish not even your worst enemy had to endure.
One of THOSE days when you wonder.
Wonder if God sees the pain.
Wonder if HE cares.
Wonder why.
Why her? Hasn't she been through enough?
Hasn't she suffered enough?
Why not me, Lord?
It is one of THOSE days when your own faith shakes to the core.
Those days when you rely heavily on the prayers of others to get you through it.
THOSE Days when you thank GOD for friends who uphold you, who call you and pray with you, who text you often.
It is one of THOSE days when you recall the instances of God's faithfulness and hope with all hope that HE is going to come thru as He has promised.
It is one of THOSE days.
I Know deep within me, that God is in Control.
But oh how I wish the circumstances were different.
Those dreams that die.
They are the hardest.
Sometimes they are the cruelest.
Today is the day our daughter Katie had one of her lifelong dreams die.
She played with dolls for the longest time. She always wanted to be a mommy.
When she met Nate, they began to pray for their own baby. They began to try for that baby.
Today, is the day, their dream of having a child from Katie died.
Today is one of THOSE days.
The day you wished your daughter did not have to have a hysterectomy. The pain that ransacked her body for at least 2 1/2 weeks every month, so often incapacitating her, had won.
Today is one of THOSE Days.
The kind you wish the doctor had one more option-but he doesn't.
So today, the dream of having her own child died.
I have a very good friend who texted me today about those dreams of ours that die. It is in those dreams, that God begins to do something new, something HE has planned. Something that if really dwelt on, we could get excited about the possibilities.
I know this will come.
I know HE cares.
I know HE loves Katie more than I ever could, more than Nate ever could.
But today I grieve for her dream that will never be fulfilled.
I mourn with her and Nate.
I look forward to the better days. The days where the light shines again. The days when it "feels" like God is with you and blessing you.
It is just in the harsh realities that sometimes my vision gets impaired.
Believe me, I know so many have it way worse than Katie.
I hate the suffering many have to endure.
Today is one of THOSE days.
Where I just want to give into my feelings and cry. and I have.
I know that God does not waste our pain, our anguish, our broken dreams. I really do know that. It's just that, today, I wish it was my broken dream, my pain.
What I wouldn't do to trade places with my gal.
But today, I will treasure the gift of friends and how they have ministered to me.
I will relish the afternoon hike with my two grandsons, a great respite in the sadness.
I will look forward to the days ahead and wait expectedly for God to show His goodness and grace-just like He always does.
Today is just one of THOSE days.
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