WHY GOD, WHY?

Life doesn't always happen the way we thought it would.
Seriously, this is so true.

What happens when you get married and envision this special kind of life with you and your spouse? 
You think about all the dreams you have together for your future.
We will work and save money and someday buy our first home.
We will begin to have our children and really start our family.
We will develop friendships that will last a lifetime. We will make memories with these friends and our kids will become best friends and we will live together in the same town and grow together through life's ups and downs.

For those of us who have spiritual roots, and for me, that means having a relationship with Jesus, we will find a church home, get plugged in and find a ministry we can do together.

We have all sorts of plans and dreams and look forward to them with such expectancy and hope.

Then our dreams are dashed.

Our hopes seem like a distant thought. The life we had planned is anything but that. Now what do we do?
What do we do when one of us becomes almost chronically incapacitated by pain. When our physical bodies act like they are 80 instead of in our 20's?
When getting up each day is a chore? When our minds are absolutely astute and wanting to accomplish goals and activities for the day, but our body is wracked in unbelievable pain. And the doctors know something is wrong but they can't fix it? They can't even diagnose it but they know something is seriously wrong.

I don't know what this is like, but my daughter does.
The bright, energetic, full of life gal can't even sometimes cook a meal for her husband. That sweet artistic soul has visions in her head of what she wants to produce, but her hands can't grip her paint brushes because the circulation is so bad that it causes numbness and pain.

And I wonder often "where is God?"
Does He not see this? Can He not heal just one of her health issues??

The logical thinking side of me, knows He is there.
I know "all the answers".
That He is using this in her life.
That He never wastes pain.
That He loves her way more than me.
That He is never going to abandon her.
That He has a plan.
On and on and on.

But the emotional, the mother side of me wants to scream at God.
PLEASE DO SOMETHING.
I can't and YOU can. Why don't you?
WHY does she have to go thru life like this?
How can this sweet couple forge a future when so much of it is unknown.
Yeah, I know, alot of all our futures are unknown.
BUT WHY GOD?? Can you just not give her a little break?

And I have no answers.
But I do have faith.
Faith that believes God.
Faith that has seen me through devestating blows in my own life.
Faith that has held me when I had little to hold on to.

What if I didn't have faith in God??
Oh LORD, I shudder the thought.

For a minute I wish I could be God and heal one part of my sweet gal.
What part would I choose? 
Gosh, I have no idea, but I would heal something that would give her hope.

HOPE is what she clings to.
She even has it tattooed on her wrist.
Hope is what this mom needs right now as she gets ready to say goodbye to her after a visit.
No answers.
Questions.
But HOPE...
Clinging to Hope and Faith.

Mondays are for Mowing and thought Mulling.

Its that time of year again. Time to start cutting the grass weekly.
At Woodleaf we stop mowing in October and pick it up again in April or May depending on the amount of snowfall we have each year.
This year was a mild winter so a few weeks ago, I noticed that our grass was growing- I mean it looked like we had weeds; some of it was so high. So I got out the mower, filled it with gas and began the work of cutting our half acre of lawn. Six emptyings of grass clippings later, it looked green and wonderful.

Mondays will now be my day to mow. It works well with my Young Life College schedule in Chico as Mondays are my day at home to prepare my studies for the week, and looking forward to our summer schedule, most Mondays will be day 3 of the week, which fits into my weekly schedule as well.

So today, was the third week in a row that I got out my lawn mower to begin the weekly chore. I've realized that I ponder alot as I mow and use this time to think on things.

Today my heart was flooded with memories of a young beautiful woman whose life ended way too soon on Saturday. 
I first met Karen when she was three years old and we car pooled with her to pre-school three times each week. She became my son Todd's first  friend who was a girl. They remained friends for years and years and i have photos of her with Todd thru the years.

When they entered middle school, I was leading Wyldlife and Karen became one of my Wyldlife girls for all  three years of middle school. I was the leader of a group of friends all of their awkward, silly middle school years.
I took them to two weekend camps and they made me laugh and asked great questions. I led a bible study at my home with six girls and Karen faithfully attneded.

How is it that I am still alive and much older and she lost her life within 5 months of her cancer diagnosis? How is it that her mom and my friend, Gloria, and her husband Russ, are now bereft of their youngest daughter?
Karen became engaged last September and because of this devastating disease, will never have experienced marriage. Her fiance has lost his love. 
Her sister, Michelle has lost the little sister she adored.

Life isn't fair. Sometimes-often way too often, life is cut short far too early.
Karen is one of those people who should have lived many more years.
I talked to a few of my old Wyldlife girls yesterday and they are all wrestling with unbelief, shock and sadness.

"WHY?" 
Why her, why now?

I have no answers.
All I do know is that this was not God's plan. 
Thousands of years ago, when Eve chose her plan over God's, sin entered the world. And with sin, came sickness and death. Never part of God's original plan, but one we have had to live with ever since. 
Makes me wonder, what God had planned. I guess we will find out when we meet Him face to face.

I was sad today and over the weekend realizing that I will not see Karen again in this life. The last time I saw her was at her friend Stephanie's wedding, and had a great time chatting with her and the other Wyldlife girls.
What brings me comfort today is that because I knew her and had the privilege of being her Wyldlife leader and friend, i know that she began a relationship with the LORD and I will see  her again.

Psalm 115:15 says:
Precious in the sight of the LORD, is the death of His saints.

I know God welcomed Karen to her eternal home on Saturday morning.
This temporal home we know, will miss her.
Until we meet again Karen, thank you for the joy of being your friend.