Distinguished and Distinct

Do you ever wonder about who you are?
Wonder if you are different from others? Or that we are all cut out of the same mold?

Do you get discouraged by setbacks and what you would consider failure ?
Do you try to imagine yourself as being different?? The newer, better version of you?

If we are honest with ourselves, and right now I am being honest, we all at times, wish to be different.
Want to be able to be distinguished from others. Want others to see something in us that they want to have for themselves.

Are we too caught up in what others think?
I know that I am. Way too often, I am more concerned about how others will view my words, my actions, my views. Instead of concentrating on what I am to do, I get all caught up in wanting approval of people.
Are you like this too??

The things I know about myself that are true I can share easily.
I am first and foremost loved by God and am unashamedly His.
I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I know I am not always the best at either of those titles, but I try - I really
      try to be the best I can be.
I am a good friend. I am loyal-to a fault and will defend my friends (and family) quickly.
I am a hard worker. I tried my best as a nurse to give the most excellent, conscientious care that I could.
I am using the gifts God has given me in discipleship and hospitality.

But does that really distinguish me??
Not really. Does it matter if I am blonde (with alot of help from Julie) and blue eyed? that I am Caucasian and live in the United States??
That I am now almost elderly- at least in my friend Caitlin's eyes.
That I am still overweight-but working on it??

Do any of these things really matter in the scope of life? eternity?

The thing that I want to count in what distinguishes me is my relationship with Jesus.
Has that made a difference to anyone?
Shouldn't I be more concerned about pleasing, obeying God than being concerned with what others think of me.

Yes I should.
Sometimes-more too often that I should-I let my feelings of what others perceive me to be, or how they might perceive me if they knew what I had done or not done, affect me way more than I should.

This morning in Exodus 8 I read that the LORD is in the middle of 10 devestating plagues in Egypt trying to get the attention of the Pharaoh to allow the Israelites to leave the land, makes a huge distinction between the people in Egypt and His people when the gnats hit the country by the millions. He deals differently with the two nations.
The gnats will be all over Egypt but not a single one will be found in the land of Goshen where the Isrealites resided.


"I will make a distinction between My people and your people..."

GOD so desperately wants to make a distinction between us that long to follow and obey Him and for those who choose not to know Him.

Does it matter if my house is bigger than yours?
That you make more money than me?
That you are prettier and skinnier than me?
That I have a better job than you?
That I am married and you are not?
That you are successful in all your endeavors?
That you passed the exam and I didn't?
That you conceive easily and I can not get pregnant?
That you are suffering from cancer and I only have heart disease?
That your ministry is way more successful than mine??
That I live in the USA and you live in the poorest of all nations?
That I am heterosexual and you are gay?

Does these things matter to God??
I have to admit, that I think all the LORD really cares about is that I am obeying Him.
That I don't compare myself to " the world's standards" but follow His.
That I seek His will above my own.
That I am really really trying to follow His commands. So that when I study for an exam and someone else doesn't and cheats and gets a better grade, that I will know I gave it my best.
That I am commited to staying pure before marriage. Not because I don't want to have sex with this person I am in love with, but because God says not too. And in the long run, I know He knows what is best and has told us that sex is for the marriage bed and not a casual relationship.
That I will not jeopardize my marriage by having an affair because not only will it hurt my spouse and others, but it is not what God designed marriage to be.

I believe with all that I am, that God wants us to make a difference for Him and NOT for ourselves.
That it is ALL ABOUT JESUS and not about me.
And He tells us that the world will know we are His because of what we do. Not how the world sees us as. But by what He sees us as: His beloved and adored child.

I purpose now to make a commitment to care more about what distinguishes me more from God's perspective than from anyone elses.
That I want to be distinct for His purposes and His plans.
I want others to wonder why I am the way I am. Instead of wishing I could be like them.
I want to be the person GOD has envisioned me to be...for the rest of my life.

Holding Back???

My mind is swimming this morning. The thoughts are all over the place.
Its Veteran's Day and naturally, I am so thankful for the men and women who have served our country. Many of them gave their lives so that we could be free. A freedom that let us cast our votes -even this week, of who would lead our land. A freedom that we often take for granted. I am so grateful for the Armed Services- today, when I know they are over fighting a war that I believe we should never have entered. Young women and men who are passionate about serving. THANK YOU.

I have been reading in the book of Acts this weekend. I am thankful that God's Word is always new and fresh. That words of the Scripture can bring new insights even when I might mistakenly think that I know the Bible-that I've read it before. Over twenty years ago, I decided that I wanted to read the Bible thru every year. If you know me, you know that I am not always conventional. I tried reading plans, but couldn't wait till September before starting the New Testament.

Given this information, this is at least the 20th time that I have read the Book of Acts. I know the stories. I've read them. I have studied them in bible studies. I thoroughly LOVE how the LORD allows me to be surprised by new insights or convictions. Yesterday, as it was snowing outside and I was sitting by our wood burning stove, I read the fifth chapter of Acts. It is the story of Ananias and his wife Sapphira. The background of this story is that the community of believers in Jerusalem experienced an unusual type of fellowship and community. They shared everything with each other; when someone was in need, the church would provide for their needs. They pooled all their money and resources and really took care of each other. Side note: wouldn't it be absolutely incredible if we, the Body of Christ, would do this today?? The implications would be astounding-worldwide. If we, the church of Jesus had really done our job, the government wouldn't have had to develop programs to care for the poor and disenfrachised.

Ananias and Sapphira had a piece of property that they were going to sell. They conspired together to "keep" some of the money from the sale before they gave into the community treasurechest. What happened is that they didn't remember that GOD saw. GOD knew. And what they did was basically lied to the LORD and to the leaders of the early church. Somehow, God let Peter know this and when Ananias came to give the money, Peter confronted him. Told him that satan had deceived him and that he had lied to the Holy Spirit. The result: Ananias immediately fell dead. Hours later, Sapphira not knowing what happened to her husband, appeared before Peter and also lied. She too, immediately fell dead.

This story might seem extremely harsh. I think one of the main messages to us is: we cannot fool God. We cannot rationalize our actions that are impure to a Holy God. We cannot lie to Him and get away with it. HE KNOWS. Nothing escapes His gaze. But what also struck me and really has captivated my mind is:

 Where have I tried to rob God?
 What am I trying to keep for myself?
 What am I lying about?
 What am I trying to control and hold on to?

Gosh, I have tried to hold on to control in so so many areas of my life over the years: Trying to hold on to the family and how I wanted it to be. Trying to hold on to the control I had in my children's lives. Trying to hold on to my life in San Jose when God was calling us to Woodleaf.  How have I tried to rob God?? This question haunts me. I have robbed Him of really giving all of me to Him. Of completely surrendering myself to Him. Why? Because I want to remain in control. The selfish me wants what i want-when I want it, how I want it to look like, how I want to live my life.

Ashamedly, I admit that I have wanted to serve God on my terms, in my time frame, when it was convenient for me.
I have had "my plans" and often forgot to include God in them-or ask Him to bless them without even talking to Him about it in the first place. I ask myself "WHY?"
Why would I not confer with Him? Why would I not want His take on ANYTHING I was undertaking or wanted to pursue?? Who do I think I am??

It has been a hard day of wrestling thru these questions. All I do know is that I truly want to be one who pleases and brings Glory and Honor to my Father and His Son. I am again so thankful for His mercies that are new everyday.
I am grateful that once again, my Young Life College friends, are pursuing God and they are challenging me to Pursue His Holiness. You can't fool these gals-they can see thru hypocrisy, so I have to be honest and real with them.

Most importantly, how incredibly humbled and blessed I am that the LORD has not given up on me. That He hasn't shown me all of my ugly self at once, but gently prods-altho sometimes He has to POKE HARD to get my attention, to show me how if I just gave Him full control, life might not be so hard at times . It might be hard but if I hold on to Him, the trial or hardship will eventually pass.

I don't have to be in control. I don't have to keep things for myself.
GOD has always taken care of me. He has promised that He will provide for all my needs.
I don't have to hold back.
HE certainly never has.

WAMPY JOMP

Wampy jomp. Its not a word or phrase you will find anywhere.
Except coming out of my mouth.
I used it the other night describing March Madness basketball, and my son and daughter, son-in-law, and Todd's best childhood friend, all began laughing at me.

"Such a mom word"
"I've never heard that before"
"what is wampy jomp?"

I think I might be hard pressed to describe what wampy jomp is.
Basically, its when things are really messed up.
Like when something is all tangled in knots, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how to get them undone, and I bring it to Scud (who is WAY MORE patient than me) and tell him, "this is all wampy jomp, can you fix it?" And most often, he does!!

Wampy jomp is when life looks all messy. And you can't figure it out.
Oh, you try. And you try some more, and yet still, its all tangled in a mess.
It may be with tangible things:like the knot, or when your laundry gets completely conjoined together in the washer.

Or it can be with the un-tangible.

Like with relationships. When you say something and it is taken the wrong way and feelings are hurt, and you wonder if there has been irrepairable harm.
Or when you really screw up:
If you have cheated or swindled from your job.
If you have cheated or broken vows with your spouse.
If you have gossiped and ruined another person's reputation.
If you have lied and been caught.

Wampy jomp is my term for when it looks totally out of whack and you can't see a way out. You think you see a solution and it doesn't work out. You ask friends for advice and they haven't a clue how to help.
You begin to wonder if things will ever work out.
When it gets like that, try going to the Master of Wampy Jomp. GOD.
He can take all the tangled, ugly missteps, mistakes, messiness of our lives and make them new again.

The famously quoted verse in Romans 8:28 NIV says:
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

All those messes, all those things we can't figure out, HE CAN.
HE has our best interests in mind always. HE knows what is the BEST.
So we can make our mistakes and HE can turn them into His masterpiece.
Making beauty out of our ashes.
Healing our jumbled lives.

So Wampy Jomp might be a term you are unfamiliar with, but remember it when you have lost your way. And return to the ONE who can straighten all things out and USE them for HIS purposes.

YOU want me to do WHAT?

Reading the Gospel of Mark this week has me thinking and pondering and ever so thankful that we have the WORD of GOD to speak the TRUTH into our lives-mine in particular.
Yesterday I was reading in chapter 6 and Jesus tells His disciples to "Come away with Me, by yourselves to a quiet solitary place". We all need to do that -each and everyday. We need our time with Jesus. We need to hear His Words, His Truth. We need to get instructions on how to live this day. We need His love, and His Grace and His mercy and Forgiveness each day.
Fortunately for me, living kind of in the middle of nowhere, its easy to get away to a quiet solitary place. Every morning in the summer, I grab my coffee, my bible and journal and head outside to have my much needed time with Jesus. I have the most beautiful landscape to look at and I thank God for His Creation. But I NEED my time with Him. Because if I don't, I have the wrong perspective on life and what it really is all about. I can believe all sorts of the enemy's lies and half truths if I don't spend time with Jesus. We all Need His Truth ...everyday.
WHY? Because if you are anything like me (and lets hope you aren't), we get too me centered, worried about my life, dwelling on what I want. And then my view gets completely skewed (pretty sure that's not how its spelled). And I think its all about me. And its not. Its ALL ABOUT JESUS.
Then today I was reading in Mark 8 and read how Jesus told us to deny ourselves and pick up our cross and follow Him.
OK...lets just say...that is often VERY HARD to do. Denying ourselves is to quit thinking about our own selfish ways...to make room for Jesus...to let Him be first.
And taking up our cross?? well I know so much has been written about that. But for me, crosses come in so many forms: anything that makes me put others ahead of me, suffering, pain, heartache, loneliness, depression, watching ones we love suffer or go thru terrible things....TAKE UP YOUR CROSS. Wow JESUS, that is a tough one...and then FOLLOW ME, which I wrote about earlier this week. That too, can be a tough thing to do.
Why in the world would Jesus ask us to do such hard things?
Because HE wants us to look more like Him than ourselves. So that our lives will draw others to the ONE who loves them completely and unconditionally. And to draw those who know Him already, into a deeper relationship with Him.
I want to obey this command with everything that is within me, but OH how I need the Holy Spirit's help moment by moment.
Still striving and struggling to be the person Jesus envisions me to be.