Change

I have always been known as a flexible person.
Not flexible as in a gymnast-this older body is not what one would call flexible and adapting to new positions of body contortion.

Flexible in the sense that I can adapt to change. I don't know how many managers I had during my nursing career; all I know is that there were plenty of them. I would miss some of them who were phenomenal, and breathe sighs of relief from those who seemed to be marginal. The change of a boss never affected my job-how I performed my everyday tasks.

I would miss dear friends who would move away, or the ones who never lived close.  I would decide that distance would not affect our friendship.
When my own kids left to go to college, I would have an ache in my heart that I no longer was needed as an everyday mom and miss their physical presence in our home, but I learned to adjust and kept going on.

Probably the most significant challenge I had in being flexible was moving to Woodleaf. I never anticipated how hard it would be. I mean, I knew I was moving to an isolated place, but what I had not expected was the deep loneliness I felt. I came here as a wife with nothing to do. I had no kids to take care of and I didn't have a job. I didn't have much of anything to do and that was extremely hard on me. Eventually, in His graciousness, God took me thru the painful period and gave me something to do in ministering to college kids.

We've had numerous changes here at Woodleaf in the 6-7 years we have been here (Scud has been here 7 next week and I have been here 6). 
In Young Life camping, people come and go. They come and we get to know them and adopt them into our community, and then they might transfer to another camp and we say good bye and our hearts hurt a bit, and then someone comes to replace them and the process starts again.
From when Scud began his job here, there is only two people that are still here and I can think of at least 24 that have come after us and since departed.
So you learn to adapt-you have to.
And I anticipate a few more changes in the next year.
I anticipate one in a month that will leave me with the biggest hole.
My friend Tiffany, who I met five years ago when I started doing Young Life College at Chico, quickly filled in and became our office summer intern when one of the employees quit suddenly. Within 3 months of leaving, she came back as our Retail Manager, a position she has filled absolutely incredibly for the past 3 1/2 years. But now, being the beautiful, fun loving, people loving person that she is, she has felt an itch for awhile now to move on, which I understand. I mean afterall, how is she going to find someone to love and cherish her here in the middle of nowhere??
Her leaving will leave a HUGE void in my life. We have done life together, I have been her mentor and she has been my confidant and the one person I absolutely trust (besides Scud) at Woodleaf.

I know this change will be wonderful for her and I truly am excited for her. I will anticipate the stories she will share with me and I know we will continue our friendship and see each other. Its just that she won't be my neighbor anymore. I can't call her to come over for dinner and a glass of wine. We won't be doing bible studies together. I won't have to or won't be able to comfort her in a break up like I have done. I will miss her beautiful face and her cute outfits, and Scud and I will have to watch the CMA's without our favorite country girl.

But she is going to a new adventure that will be challenging and exciting all at the same time. She will get to see and even live for awhile with her very best friend and her husband and hopefully will meet the man I have been praying for-for her, very soon.

Me? My life will be the same here. The excitement of the Woodleaf summer and getting to know and love the interns is on the horizon. But this time, the change will be very hard, very lonely, and yet I anticipate that God will use this in my life to reveal even more treasures of Himself to me.
Flexibility is not what it used to be. Maybe I am "old" because old people don't adapt as easily. Or maybe I will just miss the dear dear gift that God blessed my life with abundantly these past 5 years.

Here's to you Tiffany Lynn!! May God bless you as you transition from here to there.             

Thankful Thursday

Are you at all like me and don't spend enough time giving thanks?
Just finished reading for the 2nd time, 1000 Gifts and have been contemplating so much that I have to be grateful for.

In No Particular Order:
My relationship with Jesus-without this, I am Nothing. Really.
Scud-the BEST man EVER
Kristi and Adam, Katie and Nate, Todd and Ryan...great kids...I mean GREAT kids.
Kellen and Jax. Those sweet boys who make me smile and bring me countless joy.
Sunshine
Time with 2 of my besties yesterday...laughing, crying (alot) and praying-along with a lunchtime margarita!!
MaryKay- the BEST friend who lets me crash at her house on a moment's notice.
LIFELONG FRIENDS....You know who you are!!
My first cup of coffee every morning.
Yummy food that's available to me most anytime.   
Those YLC girls who have stolen my heart....Year after Year.
Vacations to Kauai.
The Woodleaf family-it changes often, but love the people and love their hearts and willlingnes to sacrifice for God's kingdom.    
Those rainy and snowy days where I can sit and read by the woodburning stove.
Reading....LOVE to READ.
Gardening....pleasure to my soul.
The OCEAN...anywhere, anytime.
Memories...oh such memories.
Those very hard times....and how I grow during them.
My daily Prayer list-what a privilege to pray for People I love dearly.
Celebrating Kellen yesterday-the sweetest , kind hearted little boy.
Getting to read a newspaper while in San Jose...I miss that.

Those just were typed within 3 minutes. I have so many more. But I'm gonna make a habit of writing down things I am so thankful for on Thursdays and try and spend each day developing a grateful heart.
Encourage you to do the same.        

Mondays are for Mowing and thought Mulling.

Its that time of year again. Time to start cutting the grass weekly.
At Woodleaf we stop mowing in October and pick it up again in April or May depending on the amount of snowfall we have each year.
This year was a mild winter so a few weeks ago, I noticed that our grass was growing- I mean it looked like we had weeds; some of it was so high. So I got out the mower, filled it with gas and began the work of cutting our half acre of lawn. Six emptyings of grass clippings later, it looked green and wonderful.

Mondays will now be my day to mow. It works well with my Young Life College schedule in Chico as Mondays are my day at home to prepare my studies for the week, and looking forward to our summer schedule, most Mondays will be day 3 of the week, which fits into my weekly schedule as well.

So today, was the third week in a row that I got out my lawn mower to begin the weekly chore. I've realized that I ponder alot as I mow and use this time to think on things.

Today my heart was flooded with memories of a young beautiful woman whose life ended way too soon on Saturday. 
I first met Karen when she was three years old and we car pooled with her to pre-school three times each week. She became my son Todd's first  friend who was a girl. They remained friends for years and years and i have photos of her with Todd thru the years.

When they entered middle school, I was leading Wyldlife and Karen became one of my Wyldlife girls for all  three years of middle school. I was the leader of a group of friends all of their awkward, silly middle school years.
I took them to two weekend camps and they made me laugh and asked great questions. I led a bible study at my home with six girls and Karen faithfully attneded.

How is it that I am still alive and much older and she lost her life within 5 months of her cancer diagnosis? How is it that her mom and my friend, Gloria, and her husband Russ, are now bereft of their youngest daughter?
Karen became engaged last September and because of this devastating disease, will never have experienced marriage. Her fiance has lost his love. 
Her sister, Michelle has lost the little sister she adored.

Life isn't fair. Sometimes-often way too often, life is cut short far too early.
Karen is one of those people who should have lived many more years.
I talked to a few of my old Wyldlife girls yesterday and they are all wrestling with unbelief, shock and sadness.

"WHY?" 
Why her, why now?

I have no answers.
All I do know is that this was not God's plan. 
Thousands of years ago, when Eve chose her plan over God's, sin entered the world. And with sin, came sickness and death. Never part of God's original plan, but one we have had to live with ever since. 
Makes me wonder, what God had planned. I guess we will find out when we meet Him face to face.

I was sad today and over the weekend realizing that I will not see Karen again in this life. The last time I saw her was at her friend Stephanie's wedding, and had a great time chatting with her and the other Wyldlife girls.
What brings me comfort today is that because I knew her and had the privilege of being her Wyldlife leader and friend, i know that she began a relationship with the LORD and I will see  her again.

Psalm 115:15 says:
Precious in the sight of the LORD, is the death of His saints.

I know God welcomed Karen to her eternal home on Saturday morning.
This temporal home we know, will miss her.
Until we meet again Karen, thank you for the joy of being your friend.             

Purging

I know way too much about purging.

Webster's dictionary defines purge as the follows:
               

1. to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify.

2. to rid, clear, or free (usually followed by of  or from  ): to purge a political party of disloyal members.

3. to clear of imputed guilt or ritual uncleanliness.

4. to clear away or wipe out legally (an offense, accusation, etc.) by atonement or other suitable action.

5. to remove by cleansing or purifying (often followed by away, off,  or out  ). 

To a person with an eating disorder, Purging is getting rid of the food or liquids in your body by vomiting, so that you won't gain any weight. It is a vile process that eventually can burn your throat, making it almost impossible to eat or drink certain items that normally one would enjoy.

To a person suffering from addiction, whether it be alcohol, drugs, or food, it means denying oneself these items so that your body is clear and clean.  And begins an opportunity to become whole again and making the steps necessary for restoration with anybody that might have been hurt or harmed by your addiction.

For clarity's sake, I have never had an eating disorder or am not an addict, but I have had people I love the most in this world, beset by these awful diseases.

For me, I want to purge the weight off me-to be free and clear of all this excess poundage. It is not an easy task.

In Dueteronomy, in the last chapters of this book, God repeatedly tells the Israelites: 

"Purge the evil from you".

I think he says this to us today as well.

What is evil? 

There are so many examples: just yesterday the attack at the Boston Marathon, obviously September 11,2001. 

What about all the atrocities committed world wide? The genocides, the slavery of women and children either for sex or as soldiers. Guerilla warfare is another. Anything that is morally wrong and hurts others is evil. Child abuse, sexual assault, robbery, murder are some more.

But what about us? What is evil in your life? Something that is morally wrong or that hurts others. Something that hurts your relationship with God has to be bad.

Is it when we are disobedient to what He asks of us?

Is it evil when we gossip about someone or spread bad reports of others?

Is it when we cheat or lie for our own benefit?

Is it evil when we overlook someone else's misfortune and we have the power to help but don't.

For me, evil is being selfish.

This might not be true for everyone, but I know that the LORD has shown me when I am selfish and thinking of myself first, that its then, when evil or ugly thoughts come .

I know that to purge oneself of evil requires introspection. It is something individual between us and the LORD.  

It is something He asks us to do-actually because He states it so often , it is something He commands us to do.

I want to follow Christ. I want to be obedient. I want to be who He sees me to be, the person He envisions. To do that, I need to keep in constant communication with Him. I need to take the time to listen for Him. I need to self examine my life and see what needs to go. To see what is evil in my life.

Everyone's evil may look something different. All I know is that the LORD has commanded us "to purge the evil from you."

Will you begin to take those steps? I hope you will join me in ridding our lives of that what is harmful to us and to others .          

A Very Precious Friendship

It was almost 31 years ago. Really? Where has the time gone? 
We met because of our husbands work.  Oh all right, YES it was in Young Life. But that's not why we have stayed friends. We spent a month together, mostly without our husbands around, and we got to know each other.

It was uncanny how much of our lives intersected. How similar our backgrounds were, how we shared some of the same "sins".  Those things that you don't really want others to know, but somehow feel "safe" telling a few. We bonded in a hallway and would be forever linked together through our bond in Christ.

We have shared so much together. From having and raising our children and wondering how on earth they made it to adulthood with us as their mothers, to rejoicing in the births of grandchildren 

There has been joy and heartache and we have prayed for each other and our families. And we have laughed and cried together.
Somehow God helped us understand each other. She gets me and loves me in spite of who I am and I do the same for her. We have learned from our mistakes and shared deeply where God has touched us, taught us and disciplined us.

This friend is one I have gone to repeatedly over the years for prayer because I know that when I ask her to pray, she will. And then she shares her deep insightful thoughts God reveals to her and always will be honest with me.
We don't always have people who will be totally honest with us. This sweet friend is because you always get brutal honesty from her.

We haven't gone without our struggles but because of our love for Jesus and our love for each other, we have forged ahead and kept our friendship intact. We have forgiven each other and been better because of it.

So yesterday, during a very hard time of self-doubt and being attacked, I texted her and asked for prayer. Immediately  she responded and I knew that she would keep praying. Oh I am so indebted to her for how she has prayed for me.

And this morning I had the privilege of having almost a 2 hour conversation with my friend where I laid my soul out and she encouraged me and affirmed me. This is what she has done faithfully to me for 31 years.

I have been incredibly blessed by her friendship for over half my life. 
To me, she is so very dear and precious and I truly thank God for her.
I only hope that I can be half as good a friend to her as she is to me.

I pray that we each would be blessed with those forever type friends who rally for us, rejoice with us, cry with us and keep loving us, even amidst the pain and sin in our lives.

Truly friendship is God's gracious gift to us. THANK YOU LORD.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times.          
 

Circumcise

I had the tremendous privilege and blessing of being a nurse consistently for 31 years.
I absolutely loved being a nurse. I had so many different types of positions from staff nurse in a hospital, to being a home health nurse, working for the County Medi-Cal program and for being a clinic RN at Packard Children's Hospital.

I didn't realize until I moved to Woodleaf how much nursing was a part of me.
 I mean, I knew I loved nursing, but I had no concept of how much being a nurse played into my life. I worked hard, was always learning new things, took the best care of my patients that I possibly could. I was thanked every single day by someone-whether it be my patient or a family member or by a doctor. I was fortunate that I always had above average reviews. But I never quite got it that so much of who I was, how I viewed myself was  because of how people reacted to me as a nurse. Way too much of my self esteem came from my nursing.

Everyday I was appreciated for what I did to make someone more comfortable, or how I might have saved a life.
God had given me such a blessing in my nursing career and too often, I thought it was me. How I cared for people, instead of how God gifted me with empathy and a caring heart.  Sometimes, I'm just such a slow learner.

In all my years of nursing, I had the privilege of praying for my patients and many times with my patients. It was so beneficial to know that God always is about a spiritual healing as well as the physical, and to have been given the opportunity to share Jesus with a scared patient or parent was an incredible bonus.

Without a doubt, my least favorite activity in all my years of nursing, was being the nurse that was needed to assist a doctor in the circumcision of a baby boy. If you haven't seen one, I would never advise it.
First of all, you must put a baby in an infant seat type device, then you strap them in, with both their arms and legs. Then you watch the MD anesthetize the babe and put a pacifier in their mouth so they will suck, which helps soothe them for what comes next. The doctor then puts a bell type thing on the babys penis and begins to cut away the top of the foreskin. So for me to watch this is absolutely agonizing. I know the baby isn't completely anesthesized and there has to be pain. It is painful to watch. After the procedure is over, I quickly clean up and take the poor little guy to his mom and teach circumcision care and tell her to feed him for comfort.

I was reminded yesterday of how much I DID NOT LIKE circumcisions when I read in Dueteronomy that the LORD tells us :

Circumcise your hearts.

Ouch.

God wants to cut away the bad parts of our hearts.
Just as the doctor wants to remove the foreskin of a little boys penis, God wants to remove the foreskin of what He sees to be detrimental to our lives.

I want those parts of me to be cut away.
I don't like them either.
In fact, I know all the parts I want cut out of my life.

I want my selfishness gone.
I don't want to be judgemental.
I want those thoughts that aren't nice to be gone, and am grateful that God doesn't let anyone else know them.
I want to be rid of the part of me that is jealous for what others might have that I don't. I know I don't really need more, its just that I think sometimes I should have what others possess.
I want to permanently obliterate any pride that resides in me.
I don't want to have that part of me that thinks I have the right answers always.
I desire to be rid of those words that come out of my mouth that hurt others.

Just thinking about what needs to be gone in my life is even more painful than watching a baby's circumcision.

Already today, God is cutting away parts of me He wants gone. It isn't fun and I am hurting inside.
I know it needs to be done and I am thankful right now that my GOD loves me so much that He won't let me stay the way I am. That He wants to get rid of those parts that don't look like His Son. I want that too.
Just wish there was an easier way.