If you know me, you know that
. I Love my family with all my heart. They are the BEST and BIGGEST Blessings God has given me on this planet.
. I have the MOST INCREDIBLE friends.
. I have 2 lovable labs that I am crazy about.
. I have an absolutely gorgeous view out of front window.
. I love the ocean-and would rather vacation at a beach than anywhere.
. I Love to swim (kind of goes with the ocean!!)
. That Tommy, Kelly and Robby are our other kids
. That Scud and I have grown to love so many of our kids friends over the
years that many of them are like our extra kids.
. I have had the privilege of having two of the most amazing jobs ever:
being an RN for over 30 years and loving on college kids for the past 5.
. That number #1 on my bucket list is to go to Ireland.
. That number #2 on my bucket list is to serve at an AIDS orphanage in
Africa.
. That number #3 on my bucket list was crossed out last October when I went to the World Series and saw my Giants win.
If you knew me really well, you would know that:
. Ice cream is my favorite food-most especially mint chocolate chip.
. In college for one week I ate only ice cream and lost 5 lbs!! if only
I could do that today!
. I have a a few friends that I could call on in a heartbeat and they would be
there for me-and they have been so many times. THANK YOU.
. My maiden name was Bluett-yep just like it sounds!
. I have a bleeding disorder that I inherited from my dad.
. My secret desire is to write a book, but don't know if I have anything to say
that anyone would want to read.
. I LOVE to read-and now have the opportunity given where I live.
. Kellen and Jax -my sweet little grandsons are the apple of this Grammy's
eyes.
. I really really LOVE college kids and recent college grads.
. I gained alot of weight after my hysterectomy 20 years ago that I still
struggle to get off.
. And that I am MOST PASSIONATE about THE WORD OF GOD.
So this morning in my time with God I was in the book of Numbers. When you read thru the Bible every year, sometimes you just have to read Leviticus, Numbers and Ezekiel, which can be hard to read. But if you ask God to give you new insights, HE ALWAYS DOES. And usually for me, He wants to say something to me and teach me or whack me over the head by my stupidity.
In Numbers 22 you have the story of Balak, the King of Moab who had heard about the Israelites and summoned a magician named Balaam to call down a curse on the Israelites so that Balak could overtake and rule them. Somehow Balaam knew of God and asked Him what to do. The LORD told Balaam not to go and not to put a curse on the Israelites. As Balak kept asking for Balaam to come, he would inquire of the LORD. One time, Balaam told the LORD he would do as he said but let it be known that he really wanted to go, so the LORD relented and said he could go but only do what God had told him to do.
Meanwhile the LORD was unhappy with Balaam over his real desire to go to Balak (he probably wanted some reward-even tho he said he didn't, but God always knows our heart). To stop him and get him to think, God used a talking donkey to teach Balaam about the need to obey. You can read about this story in Numbers 22 if you don't believe me.
Eventually Balaam does meet up with Balak, who again asks him to put a curse on the Israelites, which he refuses to do and instead blesses them.
Balak in turn becomes angry and Balaam's response is found in verse 38
“But I can’t say whatever I please. I must speak only what God puts
in my mouth."
WHOA.
This verse stopped me in my tracks. Spot on.
WHAT IF I ONLY SPOKE WHAT GOD PUT IN MY MOUTH?
How many times reckless words have come out of my mouth in anger and frustration. Words that were spoken without really thinking. Words that had the power to hurt and crush another. Words that should never have been said.
What if in a conversation, I only spoke what God wanted me to say? You know those times when someone is confiding in you or asking for advice and you just don't know what to say. What if we prayed for God's guidance in ALL THOSE TIMES and only spoke what He told us to say?
In many times with friends, I do pray. I do ask God for His wisdom. I don't want to say ANYTHING that would be against God's will.
But I don't do this all the time. And I should.
I know I am not the only one whose words have pierced another's heart, because words spoken freely and without thinking have hurt me too.
But what if we, as followers of Jesus really prayed and asked Him for the wisdom to say only what "God puts in my mouth"?
What if we just listened more and spoke less.
What if our silence helped our friend draw into Jesus more to listen to Him too?
I am asking God to help me put this into practice starting this day. You might hear way less more of me as I wait to hear what God wants me to say!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
A Hurting Heart
Sometimes, our hearts just hurt. Its just how we were made. When we hear something or read something, we stop and know that we have been touched by someone else's pain, or maybe its our own pain.
This past weekend my heart ached for Rick and Kay Warren as I read of their son Matt's suicide. They know more than anyone how he suffered for years and years of depression and how as parents they did everything they possibly could to support him, get him treatment and be with him. Sometimes, even when we try to do everything right, it just doesn't work out.
Matt suffered from depression. The problem is that we think depression is not really an illness-that its a mental problem. Depression is both: an illness that produces some physical symptoms, but its also a disease that affects how our brain works at times.
As I ached for the Warren's and how they were hurting and grieving the loss of their precious son, I got mad at how some people spoke up on twitter about his death. Mind you, I don't "tweet" and hopefully I never will. But these tweets were reported on the Yahoo news site.
People, who don't know the Warren's, who don't know their son and what he was going thru, supposed that he was gay and that this was his dad's fault for being so outspoken against gay marriage. Excuse my language, but how the hell do they know? Why would you say something like that? Because you don't like Rick Warren's beliefs? Because you are intimately acquainted with the Warren family? What gives us the right to criticize, comment and pre-suppose what has happened in the midst of this family's worst nightmare?
My heart aches for those suffering from any mental illness. And that's what it is: a mental "illness". There are literally millions in this country alone (not even beginning to know world numbers) that suffer from depression, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Bi-polar disorder, Multiple personalities, addiction, paranoia and many other diseases that affect our mental faculties. They need as much help as our friends and family that get Stage 4 cancer, who struggle with lupus or RA, who have diabetes or high cholesterol, or a hyper or hypo active thyroid and all the other illnesses that can affect our physical bodies.
I believe we need to take up the cause of mental illness and allow the people who suffer from these often debilitating diseases to not feel ostracized, to not fight the stigma that they are "crazy" everyday. I hope that we as a country and the mental health advocates really fight for us, fight for those suffering. As we read the news of school shootings, every single individual who has brought weapons to a school and used them to kill, have been identified with some sort of mental illness. Were their families fighting for them? Were they able to get them the help they needed? Did they have a support system that could encourage them, pray for them, stand by them in the ugliness of what they endure??
And what about our Veterans? Those young men and women who have returned from fighting in war who have nightmares and post traumatic stress disorder? Did they bring this on themselves? NO, it came as a result of the brutalizing trauma they were part of. They need our help desperately and we are not doing enough to get them the help they need.
I am not afraid to admit, that I have suffered from depression. That my family has had its share of mental illness; that we have needed professional help to make it through, that i know what its like to have someone I love so dearly not want to live. I have watched helplessly when thoughts that make no sense whatsoever to me, pervade almost non-stop in someone I care deeply about To know that the best thing you can do for someone is to help them get the help they need; that we don't need to be ashamed anymore.
If I had diabetes, and needed insulin, I would take it so that my body could process sugars. If I suffered from a mental illness and there was medicine to help me, why would I deny myself the chance to feel better?
As a committed, but still very much learning, follower of Jesus, I am convinced that when sin entered the world, that sickness and death came into play; mental illness, along with physical illness, would play havoc on God's precious children. Maybe I am naive, but I truly believe that all mental illness comes from God's enemy-that he uses that to draw us away from the ONE who loves us so dearly. Often a physical illness will drive a person closer and closer to God-reaching out when they never believed before, wanting to know that there was more to this life than what meets the eye, trying to figure out if there really is an after life and eternity. A physical illness, especially one that can limit our mortality, makes us contemplate if their really is a GOD.
Too often tho, mental illness takes us away from God. It should be no different. Unfortunately, how society has reacted, has made us believe that mental illness affects the crazies; that they brought it on themselves. Just as physical illness and death were never part of God's original plan, neither was mental illness. Sin has brought all this upon us.
God does not want us to suffer alone. He may not choose to heal us, either from our physical or mental maladies, but He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us; He promises that He will be with us always; in the good , the bad and the most traumatic times in our lives. He knows and hasn't forgotten us. That He is our anchor, firm and secure. Even when we feel our life is totally out of control and we don't know how we can even breathe or carry on, He is there-whether we feel Him or not. His Words are completely trustworthy. Even and especially in life's worst moments and tragedies.
I pray that Rick and Kay Warren know this. I am almost 100% positive that they do. My prayer today is that anyone who reads this would begin to re-think how they view mental illness, and to realize that it just affects our bodies in a different way than a physical illness-but that it is an illness.
This past weekend my heart ached for Rick and Kay Warren as I read of their son Matt's suicide. They know more than anyone how he suffered for years and years of depression and how as parents they did everything they possibly could to support him, get him treatment and be with him. Sometimes, even when we try to do everything right, it just doesn't work out.
Matt suffered from depression. The problem is that we think depression is not really an illness-that its a mental problem. Depression is both: an illness that produces some physical symptoms, but its also a disease that affects how our brain works at times.
As I ached for the Warren's and how they were hurting and grieving the loss of their precious son, I got mad at how some people spoke up on twitter about his death. Mind you, I don't "tweet" and hopefully I never will. But these tweets were reported on the Yahoo news site.
People, who don't know the Warren's, who don't know their son and what he was going thru, supposed that he was gay and that this was his dad's fault for being so outspoken against gay marriage. Excuse my language, but how the hell do they know? Why would you say something like that? Because you don't like Rick Warren's beliefs? Because you are intimately acquainted with the Warren family? What gives us the right to criticize, comment and pre-suppose what has happened in the midst of this family's worst nightmare?
My heart aches for those suffering from any mental illness. And that's what it is: a mental "illness". There are literally millions in this country alone (not even beginning to know world numbers) that suffer from depression, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Bi-polar disorder, Multiple personalities, addiction, paranoia and many other diseases that affect our mental faculties. They need as much help as our friends and family that get Stage 4 cancer, who struggle with lupus or RA, who have diabetes or high cholesterol, or a hyper or hypo active thyroid and all the other illnesses that can affect our physical bodies.
I believe we need to take up the cause of mental illness and allow the people who suffer from these often debilitating diseases to not feel ostracized, to not fight the stigma that they are "crazy" everyday. I hope that we as a country and the mental health advocates really fight for us, fight for those suffering. As we read the news of school shootings, every single individual who has brought weapons to a school and used them to kill, have been identified with some sort of mental illness. Were their families fighting for them? Were they able to get them the help they needed? Did they have a support system that could encourage them, pray for them, stand by them in the ugliness of what they endure??
And what about our Veterans? Those young men and women who have returned from fighting in war who have nightmares and post traumatic stress disorder? Did they bring this on themselves? NO, it came as a result of the brutalizing trauma they were part of. They need our help desperately and we are not doing enough to get them the help they need.
I am not afraid to admit, that I have suffered from depression. That my family has had its share of mental illness; that we have needed professional help to make it through, that i know what its like to have someone I love so dearly not want to live. I have watched helplessly when thoughts that make no sense whatsoever to me, pervade almost non-stop in someone I care deeply about To know that the best thing you can do for someone is to help them get the help they need; that we don't need to be ashamed anymore.
If I had diabetes, and needed insulin, I would take it so that my body could process sugars. If I suffered from a mental illness and there was medicine to help me, why would I deny myself the chance to feel better?
As a committed, but still very much learning, follower of Jesus, I am convinced that when sin entered the world, that sickness and death came into play; mental illness, along with physical illness, would play havoc on God's precious children. Maybe I am naive, but I truly believe that all mental illness comes from God's enemy-that he uses that to draw us away from the ONE who loves us so dearly. Often a physical illness will drive a person closer and closer to God-reaching out when they never believed before, wanting to know that there was more to this life than what meets the eye, trying to figure out if there really is an after life and eternity. A physical illness, especially one that can limit our mortality, makes us contemplate if their really is a GOD.
Too often tho, mental illness takes us away from God. It should be no different. Unfortunately, how society has reacted, has made us believe that mental illness affects the crazies; that they brought it on themselves. Just as physical illness and death were never part of God's original plan, neither was mental illness. Sin has brought all this upon us.
God does not want us to suffer alone. He may not choose to heal us, either from our physical or mental maladies, but He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us; He promises that He will be with us always; in the good , the bad and the most traumatic times in our lives. He knows and hasn't forgotten us. That He is our anchor, firm and secure. Even when we feel our life is totally out of control and we don't know how we can even breathe or carry on, He is there-whether we feel Him or not. His Words are completely trustworthy. Even and especially in life's worst moments and tragedies.
I pray that Rick and Kay Warren know this. I am almost 100% positive that they do. My prayer today is that anyone who reads this would begin to re-think how they view mental illness, and to realize that it just affects our bodies in a different way than a physical illness-but that it is an illness.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Here I go again
Again? Really? Will I ever get over it? Hopefully NOT.
This is Passion Week and as has been my custom for umpteen years, I spend Tuesday thru Friday reading the Gospel accounts of Jesus' last 24 hours on earth.
Pretending that I am an organized, efficient person, I start with Matthew. After all, it is the first book of the New Testament. And to no suprise, I then tackle Mark, Luke and finally John.
This morning I began by looking at three places where Jesus told His disciples what was going to happen. He literally said in Matthew 16:21, 17:22-23 and in chapter 20:18-19 that He was going to Jerusalem to be crucified and would rise again. Do you think the apostles didn't hear Him? Or perhaps they weren't sure of who this Son of Man was? Did they purposely forget it? Whatever the case, they were warned.
Matthew 26 and 27 tells us the horrific story. But first Jesus spends one last meal with His disciples celebrating the Passover. This is probably the holiest day of the Jewish year as they were commanded to remember how GOD spared His people from the destruction He sent over the Egyptians. In case you don't know this story, Moses instructed the Jewish people to get a one year old lamb and they were to slaughter it, roast it and then eat it (along with some bitter herbs and bread without yeast in it). They were to sprinkle the lamb's blood over the doorposts of their home which would signify that they belonged to the LORD, and at midnight, the angel of the LORD "passed over" their houses sparing them the loss of their first born child and animals. This angel took the life of every first born in Egypt.
Celebrating this event was a BIG DEAL and Jesus would not miss the opportunity to be with His closest friends remembering the LORD's provision of the Israelite community. It was at this, His Last Supper, that Jesus broke bread and gave thanks and gave it to His disciples and said : "Take and eat, this is my body". Another hint.
Immediately He took the cup of wine and offered it to them and said : " Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the Covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.". The significance would not be lost on His followers in days, weeks and thousands of years to come.
Oh LORD JESUS, You are the sacrifical Lamb, poured out for ALL of us. Your life and blood, You sacrificed so that our sins would be taken care of...ONCE and FOR ALL.
Our sins have been "passed over" because of what You did for us.
Was it easy? NO WAY.
In fact, Jesus knew how difficult it was going to be and in anguish cried out to His Father : "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me. Yet not as I will , but as you will." And He said this not once but three times.
Being fully God, He knew what was coming, but being fully human, Jesus knew the agony, the pain and the death He would be facing, and wanted out.
(who wouldn't want out of this?).
In a series of bogus, trumped up charges, Jesus was sentenced to crucifixion. Now begins the part of the story that gets me everytime. Any and every time I think about what Jesus Christ did for me, suffered for me, I get shivers and my eyes well with tears.
A sampling of what is written:
"they bound Him, led Him away and handed Him over to Pilate"
"But he (Pilate) had Jeus floggend and handed Him over to be crucified"
"then they spit in His face and struck Him with their fists. Others slapped Him."
"After they had mocked Him, they led Hm away to crucify Him."
Oh LORD JESUS, how could they have done this to You?
They spit on you. To me, spitting on someone is the most degrading thing one person could do to another, and here are these Roman soldiers who get a kick out of doing this to the Savior of the world.
They also struck this King of Glory with their fists and slapped Him.
Lest I pass judgement on these men, I realize that I did this to Jesus too. Every single person who has ever lived, has somehow insulted this spotless Lamb of God.
I know, we weren't there and we didn't spit on Him, hit him, flog Him or slap Him personally, but our selfishness, our rebellion, our stubborn pride (and by our, I really mean "my") have struck Jesus and hurt Him.
And the result of all this? Jesus was nailed to the Cross, became thoroughly dehydrated, suffocated and eventually died. In His worst moment ever, He was alone. Even His Father could not look at the disgusting garbage dump His Son had become as He took on the sins of the entire humanity of the world.
Jesus cried out : "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
When He realized that His own Father would not come to His rescue, "He gave up His spirit".
The GOD of our universe and all creation, all alone. Crushed by the heaviness of mankind's sins, Jesus is left to die.
Why?
Because He knew it was THE ONLY WAY, we could ever have a relationship again with His Father.
"Amazing LOVE, how can it be, that thou my God should die for me".
I am visibly shaken knowing that I am the one who flogged Him, who spit on His face, who struck Him and slapped Him. My sins nailed Him to the Cross.
This kind of love is so absolutely hard to fathom. I can't even get my head around it . I am awed, humbled and ever so grateful for His Love for me-and for you. We certainly don't deserve it, we've done nothing that merits this amazing love and yet we are forgiven and bathed in His Love and Grace.
This week called Passion Week should initiate such a passion filled response to His love, that we become and long to be, those who would show the world this amazing, loving , grace filled God. That all may begin to know and understand how passionate He is in pursuing us.
Thanks be to God!!!
This is Passion Week and as has been my custom for umpteen years, I spend Tuesday thru Friday reading the Gospel accounts of Jesus' last 24 hours on earth.
Pretending that I am an organized, efficient person, I start with Matthew. After all, it is the first book of the New Testament. And to no suprise, I then tackle Mark, Luke and finally John.
This morning I began by looking at three places where Jesus told His disciples what was going to happen. He literally said in Matthew 16:21, 17:22-23 and in chapter 20:18-19 that He was going to Jerusalem to be crucified and would rise again. Do you think the apostles didn't hear Him? Or perhaps they weren't sure of who this Son of Man was? Did they purposely forget it? Whatever the case, they were warned.
Matthew 26 and 27 tells us the horrific story. But first Jesus spends one last meal with His disciples celebrating the Passover. This is probably the holiest day of the Jewish year as they were commanded to remember how GOD spared His people from the destruction He sent over the Egyptians. In case you don't know this story, Moses instructed the Jewish people to get a one year old lamb and they were to slaughter it, roast it and then eat it (along with some bitter herbs and bread without yeast in it). They were to sprinkle the lamb's blood over the doorposts of their home which would signify that they belonged to the LORD, and at midnight, the angel of the LORD "passed over" their houses sparing them the loss of their first born child and animals. This angel took the life of every first born in Egypt.
Celebrating this event was a BIG DEAL and Jesus would not miss the opportunity to be with His closest friends remembering the LORD's provision of the Israelite community. It was at this, His Last Supper, that Jesus broke bread and gave thanks and gave it to His disciples and said : "Take and eat, this is my body". Another hint.
Immediately He took the cup of wine and offered it to them and said : " Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the Covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.". The significance would not be lost on His followers in days, weeks and thousands of years to come.
Oh LORD JESUS, You are the sacrifical Lamb, poured out for ALL of us. Your life and blood, You sacrificed so that our sins would be taken care of...ONCE and FOR ALL.
Our sins have been "passed over" because of what You did for us.
Was it easy? NO WAY.
In fact, Jesus knew how difficult it was going to be and in anguish cried out to His Father : "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me. Yet not as I will , but as you will." And He said this not once but three times.
Being fully God, He knew what was coming, but being fully human, Jesus knew the agony, the pain and the death He would be facing, and wanted out.
(who wouldn't want out of this?).
In a series of bogus, trumped up charges, Jesus was sentenced to crucifixion. Now begins the part of the story that gets me everytime. Any and every time I think about what Jesus Christ did for me, suffered for me, I get shivers and my eyes well with tears.
A sampling of what is written:
"they bound Him, led Him away and handed Him over to Pilate"
"But he (Pilate) had Jeus floggend and handed Him over to be crucified"
"then they spit in His face and struck Him with their fists. Others slapped Him."
"After they had mocked Him, they led Hm away to crucify Him."
Oh LORD JESUS, how could they have done this to You?
They spit on you. To me, spitting on someone is the most degrading thing one person could do to another, and here are these Roman soldiers who get a kick out of doing this to the Savior of the world.
They also struck this King of Glory with their fists and slapped Him.
Lest I pass judgement on these men, I realize that I did this to Jesus too. Every single person who has ever lived, has somehow insulted this spotless Lamb of God.
I know, we weren't there and we didn't spit on Him, hit him, flog Him or slap Him personally, but our selfishness, our rebellion, our stubborn pride (and by our, I really mean "my") have struck Jesus and hurt Him.
And the result of all this? Jesus was nailed to the Cross, became thoroughly dehydrated, suffocated and eventually died. In His worst moment ever, He was alone. Even His Father could not look at the disgusting garbage dump His Son had become as He took on the sins of the entire humanity of the world.
Jesus cried out : "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
When He realized that His own Father would not come to His rescue, "He gave up His spirit".
The GOD of our universe and all creation, all alone. Crushed by the heaviness of mankind's sins, Jesus is left to die.
Why?
Because He knew it was THE ONLY WAY, we could ever have a relationship again with His Father.
"Amazing LOVE, how can it be, that thou my God should die for me".
I am visibly shaken knowing that I am the one who flogged Him, who spit on His face, who struck Him and slapped Him. My sins nailed Him to the Cross.
This kind of love is so absolutely hard to fathom. I can't even get my head around it . I am awed, humbled and ever so grateful for His Love for me-and for you. We certainly don't deserve it, we've done nothing that merits this amazing love and yet we are forgiven and bathed in His Love and Grace.
This week called Passion Week should initiate such a passion filled response to His love, that we become and long to be, those who would show the world this amazing, loving , grace filled God. That all may begin to know and understand how passionate He is in pursuing us.
Thanks be to God!!!
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