40 YEARS

This past Saturday was the anniversary of me beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Forty years ago, while driving home from college (Univ of Puget Sound) in my green VW bug, I remember asking God to come into my life and take control. I had spent the previous evening with my friends Bill and Dave-who were college roommates, playing the devil's advocate. Both my friends were followers of Christ and wanted me to know that God would never leave me or forsake me once I began a "new life" with Him. I asked so many questions, and they gave me answers. We talked into the wee hours of the morning and I remember wondering how the heck I was going to stay awake for the 12 hour drive back to Palo Alto.
But as I drove, I reflected on our conversation and after a few hours, it seemed right to ask Jesus to come into my life.
40 years later, I consider that to be the BEST decision of my life.
I never walked away from Jesus, but there were times in the early years, that I went sideways a little-trying to live the life of a follower of Christ and a college sorority girl.
I have had tremendous joy and tremendous pain in these 40 years. I have been blessed beyond measure. I have an absolutely amazing man to share my life with. I have 4 wonderful children and 2 incredible sons by marriage. I have 2 cute little grandsons who always can make me smile and laugh. And I have an invaluable support system of some of the kindest,caring, loving and forgiving friends imagineable.

The pain I have experienced has left me raw and vulnerable. It has stripped away my pride and made me feel helpless often. But I have never been without HOPE, because I have the stability of a GOD who will always uphold me.
It is the pain where I grow and learn lessons that otherwise probably would have escaped me. The ones that after the suffering has lessened, I realize that Jesus had something so important to tell me. Painful lessons that I would not trade. Lessons that taught me of the extreme faithfulness, love, grace and mercy of God.

40 years of walking with Jesus. Two thirds of my life trying to become the person that He envisions me to be. So extremely grateful that God never has given up on me.
Now, I can't even fathom what my life would be like without Jesus Christ. I would not be who I am today or who He wants me to be tomorrow. I know I would be more selfish and self-absorbed, more concerned about my wants than anyone else's.
Thankfully, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt , that this life is to be all about JESUS and very very little about me.

I am so so grateful that God has allowed me to know Him. I cannot imagine my life now apart from Christ. Now I just want to know that with however many years that I have left in this life, I will use it for His purposes, for His Kingdom...and happily do so.

Psalm 142:5
"YOU are my place of refuge. YOU are all I really want in life"
Amen and Amen.

DECISIONS DECISIONS DECISIONS

We make countless decisions everyday.
We make many of them without really even thinking. For instance, we get out of bed every morning-we could decide to stay in bed.
And then some of our decisions we think about maybe just a little. Like what will I have for breakfast, or will I have breakfast?
Then there are other decisions that weigh a little more on us. Like which college should I go to?? what career path should I take?? Should I move? Should I stay?
But what about those MAJOR decisions...those life changing ones? Like getting married.
Is this THE ONE? That one decision can change your life for a very long time. Well unless you are Kim Kardashian, and then it will change your life for 72 days.

I bet that Joe Paterno is really thinking over his decision right now to just report what he heard about his coach that was abusing young boys. That one decision has now affected so so many people. And JoePa's career, a brilliant coach who has the most wins of any college coach, has now been ended and marred by that decision.

And Bernie Madoff. He made decisions over and over again to lie, cheat and steal people's money. Why? Because he was greedy. He will now die in prison. His son ended his life because of the guilt and humiliation. I'm pretty sure he would take back all those decisions if he knew the final outcome.

What about the egomanical leaders who kill people to get their way? Who devise schemes to utterly ruin people's lives? Recently, we have watched Sadam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Muammar Gadaffi lives end -all because they were individually responsible for killing thousands upon thousands.

What about the young man who has gotten his girlfriend pregnant? And now she wants an abortion and he wants the baby?? Would he have had such casual sex if he knew the heartache he was now experiencing?

And what if you are cheating just a little? On a test? Or a paper?? Thinking that no one would notice or care. What if that started a habit of taking things that didn't belong to you? I can't believe that Bernie Madoff started his cheating and stealing just recently.

We often think our decisons don't really affect others.
But they do. Sometimes people get deeply hurt by our decisons.

The decision that has affected my life the most is one I made 40 years ago. The decision to believe that God loved me so much, that He wanted a relationship with me so desperately, that He sent His One and only precious Son to take on my sins. So that we could have communion with one another.
That decision that I made on November 19, 1971 is the BEST decision I ever made.
That decision has had the most impact on my life.
That decision has slowly, thru 40 years changed me to realize that life isn't about me, but its all about GOD. The ONE who made me, who created me for His Glory.

What about you? What kind of decisons are you making? Do you realize they could last a lifetime?? and then some??
My prayer for myself, and for you, is that our decisions would be made so that they would reflect God, reflect the person that He envisions me (us) to be.

The Little Things...that bring me joy

Its been close to a month since I last wrote anything.
Many times i feel like I have nothing to say of relevance or importance. Today may be one of those days. But as I sit by our woodburning stove, seeing the fog outside that is thick and the fresh new snow on the ground, I am grateful for a home with heat.
Which makes me think of those who are homeless and pray that God will provide warmth for them and a place to sleep.

I love the first snow of the year. It is white, pristine and clean. I know it won't last. I know more will come. And wonder what our winter might look like.
My two cute labs lie right beside me and I'm thankful for them; they bring me alot of joy.

I've enjoyed football more this fall than in many years that I care to remember.
The Niners are GOOD again and that's been awhile.
The Stanford CARDINAL have always had my heart-since I was a little girl. And their QB will probably win the Heisman.
I've also enjoyed watching the Oregon Ducks. My son Todd went to the U of O for a brief period and he is an avid fan. So looking forward to next weekend when we get to see the Stanford/Oregon game in Palo Alto.

My three small groups of girls that I do bible study with bring me Great Joy each week. To watch them want to grow in their relationship with Jesus brings me unspeakable heartfelt praise to God for allowing me this incredible privilege.

Last week I was able to take care of my favorite two little boys while their mommy worked hard. Anytime I get to spend with Kellen and Jax is pure joy for this Grammy, even when they are not feeling so well.

And this past week , i have had the joy of studying God's Word in a Beth Moore bible study on Daniel. I am starting my third week and already I have the strongest desire to be a woman of total integrity, one who is not intimidated by the culture I live in. Already God's Spirit has convicted me in some areas and I am thankful for how much HE loves me in spite of how I act. God loves me so much He won't let me stay the way I am, but keeps molding me to look more like Jesus.

I know the Holiday season is upon us. I just want to be grateful for all I have been blessed with. And I want to use what God has given me to help others. And I want to keep being thankful for the little things. (thank you to Katie Bruce for teaching me about this!!)

SOMETIMES, ITS JUST REALLY HARD

SOMETIMES, its just really hard to Trust GOD.
These past few days have been like that for me.
Oh, I know, HE is Trustworthy. I know HE is deserving of my trust. But sometimes, with the circumstances of life, those ones that I have absolutely NO control over, but the ones that cause me anxious moments, I lapse in my trust of GOD.
This week two of my small groups are looking at the name of God that is JEHOVAH RAPHA.
The GOD WHO HEALS.
I have experienced so many times where GOD has healed me emotionally and spiritually.
I know that HE has redeemed my past. I know HE has healed deep hurts inflicted on me and those that I deeply love and care about. I have rejoiced in His healings. Praised Him for His healings. Told others about these healings. I am forever grateful for them.

But the physical healings?? Those are the ones that puzzle me. I don't get it.
So many many times in the Gospels, JESUS completely heals so many different types of diseases. Why don't I see that today??
I completely understand that physical illness and disease was never part of God's plan. That because of sin, all types of sickness and disease entered our world. I practiced nursing for 31 years. I know sickness and disease. I have been confronted with the horrors of cancer, the debilitation of strokes, the loss of newborns. I have wrestled with this for years.
I believe with all my heart that GOD can heal ANYONE.
It just doesn't seem that HE chooses to do this much nowdays.
I have way too many people on my caner and debilitating illness list. I pray for these dear ones daily. Too often they leave my list because God chooses to take them home to Him.
And that's the hard part. I want so much for their to be a cure for all cancers.
I want Pulmonary Hypertension not take another precious life. I want babies to be born without heart wrenching malfunctions.
I know GOD uses all these things for His Glory. That's the part I too often forget...that its about HIS GLORY...not what I want.
And what about those precious people who suffer from chronic illnesses and pain? Too often they are overlooked. We tend to think of them as not as sick as someone with cancer or a debilitating disease.
BUT they are in pain. Their bodies don't work the way they are supposed to. They hurt each day. Not necessarily with the pain that comes from cancer or a horrific injury. But everyday, life is a struggle. Everyday, they must choose to keep on. Choose to not let their pain get the best of them.
Those are the days, when I hear of their struggles, when I pray for my dear friends coping with cancer, when I pray for their loved ones watching them fight, that its hard for me to Trust God.
That's the part that tears me up inside.
Why is it so hard to trust my GOD? He has never proved untrustworthy.
I don't have the answers to that.
All I do know is that where else would I go?? Who else can I freely pour out my heart too? Who gets it? Who understands the pain I feel? That others feel?
GOD sees everything. Nothing escapes Him. He aches too. HE is hurt when women and children are sold into slavery for sex, when children are kidnapped to be child soldiers, when millions of people thru out the world go hungry, don't have clean drinking water, can't get jobs, are poor and destitute (whether it be physical , spiritual or emotional).
I know my God sees and that He cares.
I know HE heals.
Sometimes, I just wish it was in my timing...not His.
As I read the Gospel of Luke this morning, I wondered if Jesus, in His humanity, ever wrestled with this. As He was on His knees in the Garden of Gesthemene, HE prayed,
"Father if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. BUT not my will, but YOUR will be done"

Everything is in God's plan. Its about His will...not mine.
I don't get it. And its probably not mine to get.
Every trial, struggle, heartache and pain we go thru..will not be wasted.
Each of those circumstances, as we come thru them, will help us Trust God more.
And that's what I'm praying for now. That I (and you) will Trust God more.
Its not about me. Its not about you.
ITS ALL ABOUT GOD.
O LORD , help me with my lack of trust.

Crazy About:

http://pinterest.com/

Pinterest...its the latest rage. "everyone's doing it"...well mostly us gals. My daughter Katie has been on Pinterest for well over a year, and I actually have been introduced in just the past month.
You literally can spend hours looking at what others have done. From finding great recipes, to phenomenal fashions, to ideas for DIY-do it yourself projects, to things you want for your wedding, where you would like to travel, good books to read. I enjoy finding quotations that mean something or that are words to live by. But there's so many categories, that you can get lost discovering useful ideas.
I realized today that if I spent as much time focusing on JESUS as I do what might interest me on Pinterest, I would be absolutely addicted to wanting more of my GOD.
Today I choose to focus on:
The unbelievable , amazing truth that Jesus Christ loved me enough to die for me.
That my sins are forever forgiven and forgotten.
That HE longs to shower me with His blessings.
That HE constantly reigns down His Grace on me.
That JESUS is the Ultimate Healer.
That JESUS is the Ultimate Provider.
That GOD is always in control,even when life seems spinning out of control.
That nothing happens that JESUS is not aware of.
That JESUS sees EVERYTHING.
That GOD is able to meet all my needs abundantly.
That GOD longs to be the ONE that I turn to first when anything happens that rattles my world.
That JESUS is the ONE who will always watch over me.
That JESUS will never leave me or forsake me. That I am never alone.
That JESUS is true PEACE.
That GOD is the ONE who gives me my every breath.
That GOD wants me to have an abundant life.
That JESUS is the Bread I should hunger for and the Living Water that should quench my thirst.
That EVERYTHING begins and ends with GOD.
That JESUS is the Sustainer of all our lives.
That JESUS is THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE
That JESUS has always been, will always be the GOD who loves me without any conditions.
That JESUS envisions the person He sees me to be.
That no matter how many times I sin or fail, GOD will always be the God of second, third etc chances.
That I am loved and cherished by JESUS and His FATHER.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M CRAZY ABOUT

WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT?

"One day as Jesus was preaching....great crowds pressed in on Him to hear the Word of God" Luke 5:1

I wonder if I was alive back then, would I have followed the crowds to listen to Jesus? To see Jesus? To be in His Presence?
I have to think that I would have. If I had heard about Him, I would have wanted to see Him.

But alas, I was born 1900+ years after Christ. So I can't actually "SEE" Him, but I know He is here and with me. I've been calmed by His touch. I have been awed by His Power. I've been comforted by His Presence. I've been given His Hope when mine was all but gone. He has been with me in my loneliness. He has forgiven me countless times of my sin. His Grace has sustained me. And His Love has overwhelmed me.

Would I press in on Him to hear the Word of God?
ABSOLUTELY.
Because JESUS is THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.
HE WILL ALWAYS SPEAK TRUTH INTO MY LIFE.

A little later in Luke 5 we read:"But JESUS often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer"
Jesus needed to be alone. He needed to be with His Father and share His heart and His concerns.
He needed direction for His day.
As I have written before, if JESUS who is GOD needed to do this, shouldn't I do the same?
Shouldn't I make time to be alone with God each day?
Do I think I am too busy to give God my time? Do I manage my time well? Or do I spend too much time on Facebook, or Instagram or Snapchat or Pinterest, or ESPN? Or perhaps I spend too much time watching mindless TV. How can I say I don't have the time for God?
How can I let my friends say that??
What on earth could possibly be MORE IMPORTANT?
Nothing in my life is more important. I may think there is, but I am only kidding myself.
This is as much for me as it is for anyone who might read this.
What Jesus says is important. What He wants us to do is needed.
But we must spend time with Him in order to make sense of our crazy busy lives. To get His Perpsective.
So I not only challenge you to dig into His Word, to spend time talking to Him about your life, I ask you to consider: what could possibly be more important?

The SCRIPTURES say

This morning, I am reading Luke 4.
The beginning of this chapter tells us that Jesus, being full of the Holy Spirit, is led into the wilderness. There He begins a forty day fast, and obviously becomes very hungry. When He is weak, tired and probably out of most of His strength, the devil comes to Jesus and begins 3 temptations.
Satan literally promises Jesus the world and more if He would worship the devil.
First of all , I find it ironic that satan promises Jesus the world and all the kingdoms in it. Obviously he forgot that JESUS was the Creator of the world. But I digress.
With each temptation, Jesus responds by saying: "The Scriptures say...". Jesus knows the Word of God. The Scriptures come easily to His mind, because He has meditated on them and knows them.
Do I know them?? Do I have them hidden in my heart?? Can I come up with the Scriptures when I am being tempted? When someone needs to hear the TRUTH of GOD?
I was struck this morning with the realization that satan came to tempt Jesus in His physical weakness. When He lacked physical energy and strength after fasting 40 days.
Do you think God's enemy will work any different with us?? Does He come to us when we are strong and feeding on God? Usually not.
He comes to attack us when we are vulnerable. When life is throwing us curves. And even when we think we have it "all together" as we rely just on what we have.
That's when he comes.
But do we know the Scriptures to fight off the lies and temptations the enemy throws our way?? Do we immediately turn to Our God and Savior for help??
Do we realize that God's Word is our tool to fight? That if JESUS knew it, we should too?
Yes, Jesus was God. But he was also human.
His Word tells us that He too was tempted in every way that we are, so that He can come to our aid.
He knows the devestation of losing someone we love. He knows what its like to be rejected, criticized and not being welcome. Altho the Scriptures do not say this specifically, I have to believe that He was tempted sexually, because His Word says that He was tempted in every way as we are, and yet He remained pure and without sin.(Hebrews 4:15).
He didn't blame others when things didn't go His way. Jesus didn't respond in retaliation ever. He didn't hurt others when they hurt Him. Instead " He entrusted Himself to God (see 1 Peter 2:23).
HE knew the Scriptures because He knew how invaluable they are.
And if they are invaluable to Jesus, the Son of God, shouldn't they be just as important to us?
I have been flabbergasted by many who call themselves long time followers of Christ, who don't know the Scriptures. Who have never read the whole New Testament? Who won't read the Old Testament because they think it doesn't pertain to them or they don't understand why God worked the way He did then. I don't understand much of the time the ways of God now, but because I have a deep respect and love for God's word, when temptations, trials and deep pain come, I run to His Word for comfort, for strength, for Hope.
A dear wise woman of God (thank you dear dear Recie) once told me to ask God to give me a love for His Word. To pray that often. I did..sometimes not so often; but realized that 10 years later, I did LOVE God's Word. That my day is not complete without it. That I need to feed on the very words of my God.
I don't have the Bible memorized ...I never will. But today, today I make a committment to ask God again to help me know the Scriptures, to hide His Word in my heart.
So that the next time, life throws me a curve, or I am tempted, I can be like my Savior and LORD and say" The Scriptures say..."